Monogamy is not for everyone. Many couples see sex therapists but it doesn't solve their problem. This leads couples to explore non-monogamy in the form of polyamory, open relationships, or swinging.
Though, these terms may look similar except they are not.
So…
What's Swinging?
Swinging is when you and your partner give each other permission to have sex with other people to add spice to their sex lives. Usually, you’re both in the same room, and sometimes you might both be involved with what the other person is doing. It can be really hot.
Despite being one of the most fun things to do ever, swinging is still seen as taboo by society at large. Therefore, it can be really hard to know how to become a swinger!
The good news is that I’ve been swinging for several years now. Once, I was in the exact same position you’re in now. In this article, I’m going to share with you what it takes to become a swinger. I’ll look at where you need to go – and what you need to do.
9 Steps to Becoming a Swinger:
1. Make Sure You and Your Partner Are Ready
Before you get involved in swinging, you and your partner need to be absolutely sure about this. Ultimately, there can be no room for error where swinging is involved. If you start and realize that watching your partner have sex with someone else is something you can’t handle, it could permanently damage your relationship.
So have a proper conversation with your partner. Make sure you’re both in agreement on this. If possible, work out a few ground rules and guidelines. For example, if you’re both having sex with someone else at a party and one of you is no longer enjoying it, you could both agree to leave at that point together.
Talk to each other about your thoughts and fears right now. If you have any questions for each other, now’s the time to ask them.
2. Talk About How You Want To Swing
Everyone has different sexual kinks, fantasies, and perversions – what are some of yours? And what are some of your partners? Talking about these things will help you get started with swinging.
Moreover, how do you want to swing?
Do you want to try your luck at sex parties or sex clubs? Or do you want to take a swinger cruise or clothing-optional vacation?
Being transparent will help you guys form some clear boundaries so that your relationship doesn't get damaged
3. Join Swinger Websites
There are a ton of swinger websites you can join as a couple. These sites will help you connect with other swingers with who you can eventually meet up. They’ll also point you in the direction of swinger clubs near you, as well as sex parties and other swinger events, such as cruises.
The best swinger sites include Kasidie, which is more of a social swinger site, and SwingLifestyle. SwingLifestyle is also very social, but it’s more of a dating site and swinging lifestyle.
You could also try AdultFriendFinder, a great place to meet like-minded swingers looking for hookups with other couples. You could also find sexy singles on here who want to have sex with couples.
Whichever site you join, make sure to chat with people in the swingers community. Get to know them and immerse yourself in the world of swingers.
4. Arrange To Meet Swingers For a Conversation
Before you go ahead and hook up, it might be a better idea to, first of all, arrange to meet other swingers for a chat.
Why?
This can ease you into the process. Plus, meeting other couples for the first time is kinda like a first date. And how many times have you not felt a connection on a first date? It happens a lot – and it can happen with swingers.
To save yourselves from feeling uncomfortable, meet other swingers for a chat and get to know a little more about them. This will build up your confidence and ensure you have a better time when you finally do swing.
Inside Scoop: Places to Find & Meet Swingers?
5. Go On a Munch
What’s a munch?
A munch is a social gathering organized by swingers for swingers. It’s not a sexual partner gathering, and it usually takes place in a neutral venue, such as a pub. The idea is that like-minded people get together to have a chat and a laugh with one another.
A munch gives you and your partner the chance to get involved in the world of swinging even more. You’ll extend your contacts, make new friends, and – as long as you’re friendly, polite, and respectful – it won’t be long before you’re invited to parties.
6. Go To a Sex Party
Okay, now that the wheels are turning and you’ve finally been invited to a sex party, the next step is to pop along.
What’s a sex party?
A sex party is exactly what you think it is: A social gathering where people have sex with other people. Yes, this means you will probably end up having sex with a stranger – and so will your partner.
Don’t panic, though, because first-time swingers are under no pressure to have sex the first time they go to a swinger party. You will be expected to have sex on another occasion, but you can spend your first night getting to grips with the whole process.
Just make sure to be confident and friendly. A sex party might be full of people having sex, but it’s still treated as “just another party,” by most people.
Sex parties are usually closed off to the general public, though, so you can’t just turn up to one. You and your partner will need to be invited first, which is why you must establish contacts first (see above).
7. Choose The Right Clothes
Non-swingers are often under the impression that all swingers turn up to sex parties and clubs wearing corsets and BDSM efforts. This actually couldn’t be further from the truth. While I’ve certainly seen a few “interesting” outfits in my time, most of that stuff is usually reserved for themed parties. On a normal night, most people turn up wearing normal (if sexy) clothes.
My number one tip here is to just wear what you’d normally wear to a nightclub. It should be an outfit you feel comfortable in and which is easy to slip off.
On that note, corsets aren’t easy to slip off at all, so that’s another reason why they’re best avoided!
If, however, you’re attending a themed party, make sure to get into the spirit of things by dressing up.
8. Take Your Own Toys
When you go to a sex party or swingers club, you must dress properly, and it’s also important that you make your own toys.
Yes, there will be sex toys at a sex party. But there’s no guarantee that there will be enough to go around for you. Preparation is key, and you don’t want to be left in the sorry – and embarrassing situation – where you don’t have the toys you need to even participate!
Plus, taking your toys is just good etiquette and will help you become an accepted swinger.
9. Introduce Yourselves To Others (But Let The Most Attractive One Make The First Move)
Becoming a swinger isn’t easy if you have no confidence, but you won’t get anywhere if you a) don’t make a move or b) make a bad first impression.
This is why it’s a good idea to send out the most attractive and confident partner. It’s just a good rule of thumb that my partner and I used when we first started swinging. She was very good at using her charm on people. It got them on her side; she brought me in to play – and we went from there.
Takeaways
Once you get into the groove of things, swinging will seem like the most natural, easiest thing to do in the world. You’ll meet new people, make new friends – and potentially have the best sex of your life. Use these tips, communicate with your partner at all times, and upgrade your sex life.