You’ve finally mustered the courage to delete all his photos, blocked his number (twice), and even gave your friends a dramatic TED Talk about how so over him you are. But just when you’re basking in your post-breakup glow, your phone lights up with a familiar name. “Hey, how’ve you been?”
Why is he still texting? Does he miss you? Is he regretful? Or is he just… bored? Before you spiral down the rabbit hole of overthinking, let’s decode the pathetic (and occasionally hilarious) reasons why he’s still hitting you up post-breakup.
1. The “Oops, Wrong Person” Text (But Was It Really?)
Ah yes, the classic “Oops, meant to send that to someone else” text. Sure, Brad. Because we all accidentally text our exes about that “funny video you HAVE to see.” It’s the oldest trick in the book—a sneaky excuse to see if you’ll bite. Spoiler alert: Don’t.
2. The Lonely Hours Text (a.k.a. Midnight Regrets)
If his texts always hit your inbox between 11 PM and 2 AM, congratulations—you’ve officially become part of the “I’m lonely, and my ego needs attention” club. It’s not love; it’s insomnia. Block. Delete. Sleep.
3. The “I Miss My Emotional Support Human” Text
Some people treat relationships like customer service—available 24/7 for emotional support. Now that you’re not his personal therapist, he’s realizing that his friends don’t care about his detailed rants on fantasy football. Don’t fall back into that unpaid role.
4. The “Reminder of My Existence” Text
“Hey, just saw a meme that reminded me of you.”
Translation: “I’m still here, thinking about me?” This is less about nostalgia and more about keeping the door slightly ajar. Don’t let him treat your heart like a revolving door.
5. The Guilt Trip Text
“I just hope you’re happy… even without me.”
This isn’t heartfelt. It’s emotional fishing. He wants you to reassure him that he wasn’t that bad. Resist the urge to reply with a detailed emotional essay. Or better yet, don’t reply at all.
6. The “Accidental” Double Text
You didn’t respond, but that didn’t stop him. Now he’s following up with:
“Guess you’re busy.”
“I’ll leave you alone.”
“Hope you’re okay though.”
Oh, the drama. This isn’t persistence; it’s passive-aggressive texting at its finest. Let the silence do the talking.
7. The “Suddenly Into Self-Improvement” Text
“Just finished reading this book on mindfulness. Made me think of us.”
Isn’t it amazing how some people discover personal growth only after a breakup? He’s not a changed man; he’s just hoping his new hobbies will make you forget the old red flags. Spoiler: They don’t.
8. The “Friendly Check-In” That’s Anything But
“Hey, just checking in to see how you’re doing.”
This sounds harmless, but let’s be real—when was the last time he cared about your feelings without an ulterior motive? Exactly.
9. The “Oops, Wrong Number” (Again?) Text
“Hey babe, dinner at 7?”
Followed by:
“Oops, wrong person.”
Sure, Chad. Because everyone accidentally sends flirty texts to their ex. It’s a poorly disguised jealousy trap, hoping you’ll ask, “Oh, who’s that?” Don’t give him the satisfaction.
10. The Nostalgia Bomb
“Remember that time we got caught in the rain and laughed for hours?”
Yes, you remember. But you also remember the emotional hurricane that followed. Nostalgia has selective memory—don’t fall for the highlight reel.
11. The “I Saw You Online” Text
“Hey, noticed you were online. Everything okay?”
Ah, the digital stalker. Just because your green dot is glowing doesn’t mean you’re available for emotional check-ins. Pro tip: He’s not concerned; he’s just curious.
12. The Random Question Text
“Hey, do you know the password to my Netflix account?”
Convenient, isn’t it? As if Google doesn’t exist. This is just a weak excuse to start a conversation. Don’t feed the beast.
13. The “Pretending to Care About Your Dog” Text
“Hey, how’s Mr. Fluffington doing?”
Suddenly, he’s invested in your dog’s well-being? Cute. Too bad he didn’t care this much when you were dating. Unless Mr. Fluffington is replying to texts now, this isn’t about the dog.
14. The “Just Wanted to Say Hi” Text
No context. No follow-up. Just:
“Hi.”
What’s he expecting? A parade? This is lazy texting. If he can’t even string together a full sentence, he doesn’t deserve your attention—or your data.
15. The “Happy [Insert Random Holiday]” Text
“Merry Arbor Day!”
Wow, what a heartfelt message about… trees? This is a low-effort attempt to wedge into your life under the guise of festive cheer. Let the trees have their day. No response needed.
16. The “Fake Emergency” Text
“Hey, did I leave my hoodie at your place? It’s super important.”
Unless this hoodie holds the key to world peace, it’s not that urgent. He’s fishing for an excuse to meet up. Politely ignore—or mail it back with a note: “RIP, your hoodie. Gone but not missed.”
17. The “Sudden Life Update” Text
“Guess who just got promoted?”
Cool story, bro. If he didn’t care to share life updates when you were together, why now? Because he wants you to think he’s thriving. Whether he is or isn’t doesn’t matter—you’ve got your own glow-up to focus on.
18. The “Accidental Voice Note” Trick
A random, muffled voice note followed by:
“Oops, didn’t mean to send that!”
Sure, Jan. He just happened to accidentally record and send a note. Definitely not an attempt to make you curious. Pro tip: Don’t even listen to it.
19. The “Polite Closure” Text (Disguised as a Re-Opening)
“Hey, I just wanted to say I’m really sorry for everything.”
This sounds mature, but often it’s just a sneaky way to reopen communication. If closure comes with a “so, how have you been?”—it’s not closure. It’s bait.
20. The “I Had a Dream About You” Text
“Had a dream about you last night. Weird, right?”
Not really. People dream about flying, fighting zombies, or showing up to work without pants. Doesn’t mean it’s a sign from the universe.
Pro Tips: How to Handle These Texts Like a Pro
- Don’t Respond Out of Guilt: Silence is an answer too.
- Set Boundaries: If needed, politely but firmly tell him to stop.
- Resist the Urge to Be Petty: As satisfying as a snarky reply might be, nothing beats the power of indifference.
- Block If Necessary: Your peace of mind is more important than social politeness.
Conclusion: You Deserve Better Than Breadcrumbs
Breakups are tough, and post-breakup texts can stir up emotions you thought you’d packed away. But here’s the truth—if someone couldn’t appreciate you when they had you, their half-hearted “I miss you” texts aren’t worth your time. You deserve genuine connections, not digital breadcrumbs from someone who’s bored or lonely.
So the next time your phone buzzes with “Hey, stranger,” smile, roll your eyes, and remember: you’ve outgrown that chapter. Keep scrolling, keep thriving, and let the past stay exactly where it belongs—in your rearview mirror.