According to U.S. General Social Survey, 20% of men cheat. But how do you know when your man is cheating on you?
No one wants to discover that they’re being cheated on. But, despite the emotional trauma involved with infidelity, it’s really important that you learn sooner rather than later whether your man is being unfaithful.
If you’re beginning to suspect he’s cheating on you but you’re not sure, then you should look for these signs. There are things he’ll do (as well as things he’ll stop doing) that, while they don’t necessarily mean for sure he is cheating, will at least go a long way to helping you decide what to do next.
In this article, we take a look at 21 signs he is cheating on you. If you spot any of these signs, and especially if you spot more than a few of them, it’s time to take action.
Is he cheating? 21 signs he is cheating on you
1. He accuses You of Infidelity
The number one sign he is being unfaithful is if the Cheater begins to accuse YOU of infidelity that is truly not happening. This projection of guilt is classic. Sometimes it is done with the express purpose of gaslighting. But mostly it is a subconscious response mechanism to their own lies.
Unfortunately, the person being accused does not know what hit them! Trying to assuage their accuser and prove their faithfulness when all along it was him that should have been trying to prove himself, according to Dr. Miro Gudelsky, a Sex Therapist, Relationship Counselor, and Intimacy Expert with a Doctorate of Human Sexuality.
2. You’ve Got The Gut Feeling
You sense that he/she is cheating –your gut feeling.
Years of working with clients have revealed that in almost every case, the woman had an inkling, a sense, a gut feeling that he was cheating, but rarely acted on it or dropped it when she confronted him and he became defensive or offensive – often trying to gaslight her and convince her that there is something wrong with her or that she is bad for even thinking that he might be cheating on her, according to Patrick Wanis, Human Behavior Expert PhD, and creator of Breakup Test.
3. He Feels & Acts Distant
When someone changes the way they communicate or interact with you it can mean a number of things but cheating can be one. Pay attention to how he is treating you and if there something going on in his life that may be distracting him from you.
Communication is key here, you have a right to express your concerns and your needs. It could be nothing but it could be a sign something else or someone else is on his mind, according to Jennifer Jaden, certified Love and Relationship Coach at Dr. Lurve.
4. He Suddenly Started Getting Frequent Business Calls
Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, Ed.S. licensed marriage and family therapist and the author of A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage, said that he would pick up on too many calls that have him walking out of the area to talk in private. We have generally not needed to do that, but he explains it's just about work.
5. Changing His Sexual Habits
If your partner is suddenly doing something new in the bedroom, you may wonder where they’ve learned these tricks from. Alternatively, they may have started refusing to have sex or be intimate because they feel guilty about cheating on the person they’re having the affair with, according to Dr. Carissa Coulston, a relationship expert at The Eternity Rose.
6. He Argues About Everything
Cheating partners often feel guilty and so start arguments to put more distance between themselves and you. If he seems to be starting arguments about everything lately, telling you that you have changed and he doesn't know who you're anymore then it's pretty clear where the relationship is heading.
7. He Doesn't Show Any Commitment
A sharp change in commitment, if your partner is suddenly talking about ending the relationship, quick to leave during conflicts, seeming easy to trigger into an angry state, it could be because he is being unfaithful, said Stephanie Wijkstrom, founder of Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh.
8. He is Paranoid About His phone
This can mean he is preoccupied with something else. Not always does it mean he is cheating but it can mean that he has something going on that taking his attention away, which unfortunately can mean another person.
Or, alternatively, If your partner has suddenly stopped leaving their phone where you can see it or has swiftly set up a password so you can’t access it, this is a red flag.
9. Showering Immediately After Getting Home
If your partner has suddenly started rushing into the bathroom shortly after arriving at the house this intimates that they may be trying to hide something.
10. He Suddenly Starts Buying You Lots of Gifts
Naturally, there are some men who have always treated their women to a surprise now and then. Somedays he’ll bring home some flowers, other days some chocolate. But if your man who barely ever bought you anything is now showering you with gifts, it’s time to be suspicious.
The reason a guilty man starts buying his partner lots of gifts is because he feels bad and wants to make it up with you. Not just that, but it simply makes him feel better about what he’s doing. It’s also meant to serve as a distraction – to ward you off the scent.
11. He’s Always Moody
Consider how your man has been behaving around you recently. Has he grown moodier? Each time you suggest doing something, does he act sullenly?
There are multiple reasons a cheating man suddenly becomes moodier. Occasionally, it’s because the woman he’s cheating with him isn’t answering his calls or has grown distant. It may also be because he has to spend time with you, rather than his mistress.
12. He’s Grown Critical Of Other Women
Another common tactic that a cheating man will employ is that of criticizing other women. This is designed to distract you and convince you that he isn’t interested in anyone but you. He might say things like, “I don’t understand why that type of woman would be attractive to guys,” or “I could never imagine dating someone like that.”
Rather than put you off the scent, it should have the opposite effect: If your man has suddenly grown critical of other women, it could be because he’s trying to hide his secret.
13. He Takes Offence Too Easily
Remember those times when you used to be able to make jokes at his expense … and he’d laugh along with you?
If all of a sudden he now takes offense at every little thing you say, it could be because he’s got other things on his mind – such as another woman. If you can’t get into rapport with him anymore and struggle to banter with him, it’s time to be on your guard.
14. Doesn’t Say “I Love You” As Much
There’s no need for a guy to “I love you” all the time. But if you’ve noticed that your partner has definitely started saying it a lot less, or has stopped saying it altogether, it could be an indication that there’s another woman in his life.
It’s painful when our man doesn’t say “I love you” anymore, but it’s also important to note that this doesn’t mean that he is for sure cheating. However, there is clearly something on his mind, and it’s a good idea to talk to him about your feelings.
15. He’s Spending More Time With His Friends
Of course, your man should be allowed to spend time with his friends. But there could be more than meets the eye if he’s suddenly started spending way more time with them than usual. Either he really is spending time with them because he wants to avoid you (and avoid feeling guilty around you) – or he’s only claiming to be hanging out with his friends when in reality he’s spending time with his other woman.
16. He Doesn’t Talk About Your Future Together
This is a big one. Sometimes, guys are reluctant to talk about their future with their partner – but this is usually during the first few weeks and months. Once it’s clear that you two are in it for the long haul, guys are generally more open to discussing your future plans, goals, and so on.
If, however, your man has grown reluctant to talk about your shared future and changes the subject each time you bring it up, you have every right to be concerned. It doesn’t mean he is definitely cheating on you, but if this one sign among others, you need to talk to him.
17. He Isn’t Affectionate Anymore
The least we expect from our man is comfort and affection whenever we feel down. We even expect comfort and affection anyway. Its what couples give to each other.
But when a man is cheating with another woman, he won’t necessarily feel he should be giving comfort and affection to you anymore, primarily out of guilt. It may also be the case that he doesn’t feel the same way about you, and as such he’s no longer affectionate.
If your partner is normally very affectionate but he’s since grown cold and distant, this is a telltale sign that there’s another woman in his life.
18. He’s Got New Hobbies That Don’t Involve You
When a man loses interest in a relationship and starts having an affair, he may develop new and unexpected hobbies that take him away from you even more. Moreover, there’s a chance that his new hobbies are ones which he shares with his mistress, or which she’s introduced him to, and which allow him to spend more time with her.
19. He’s Become Less Open
Did your man use to tell you everything? If so, and if he now seems more like a closed book, alarm bells should be ringing. You should be more alert if, when you do ask him questions, he now accuses you of “prying” and won’t open up at all about anything anymore.
20. His Sleeping Patterns Have Changed
It’s natural that couples who live together, sleep together. And, over time, they grow to harmonize when it comes to sleeping patterns.
If you’ve noticed lately that his sleeping patterns have changed – perhaps he’s more exhausted than usual, goes to bed earlier, is more restless in bed, etc – this doesn’t necessarily mean he’s having an affair, but it’s definitely a warning sign when combined with other signs.
21. Changes In Technology
Lastly, it’s easier than ever to catch a cheating partner out thanks to technology. If, for example, you’ve recently discovered that your partner has a second phone or a WhatsApp account you didn’t know about, it’s a strong sign that something isn’t right. After all, if he isn’t cheating on you, why would he keep things like this from you?