Dealing with a narcissist can feel like an emotional rollercoaster—unexpected highs, crushing lows, and dizzying twists. Just when you think you've closed the chapter on their drama, they come crawling back, often with sweet words, elaborate apologies, or vague promises of change. But don’t worry; you’re not alone in this, and you can handle it like a pro.
Here’s how to confidently navigate the situation, keep your peace intact, and avoid falling into old traps.
Why Narcissists Come Back
Before we dive into strategies, let’s understand why narcissists return. Often, they’re not coming back because they’ve changed or suddenly realized your worth. Instead, they might miss the control, the attention, or the validation you once gave them. Knowing their motives helps you stay grounded and not get swept up in their charm.
Pause Before Reacting
When they reach out, resist the urge to reply immediately. Take time to process your feelings. Knee-jerk reactions—whether anger, excitement, or sadness—can cloud your judgment.
Pro Tip: Step away from your phone and go for a walk or talk to a friend before deciding how to respond.
Set Clear Boundaries
Narcissists often test the waters by ignoring boundaries. Whether you want to cut ties entirely or maintain minimal contact, be firm about what you will and won’t tolerate.
For example, if they text you late at night or show up uninvited, let them know that’s not acceptable.
Pro Tip: Boundaries are like fences—don’t let them hop over yours!
Evaluate Their Intentions
Ask yourself why they’re coming back. Do they genuinely want to fix things, or is this another attempt to regain control? Narcissists often return with half-hearted apologies that lack real accountability.
Example: Instead of saying, “I hurt you, and I want to change,” they might say, “I miss us” or “I was stressed back then.” Notice the difference?
Don't Fall for Love Bombing
Narcissists are masters of grand gestures. They might send flowers, write heartfelt messages, or remind you of old memories. While these actions can be tempting, remember that love bombing is often a manipulation tactic.
Relatable Anecdote: Think of it as a magician’s trick—distracting you with shiny things while hiding the truth up their sleeve.
Communicate Assertively
If you choose to engage, keep your communication clear and assertive. Avoid being overly emotional, as this can give them the upper hand.
Example: Instead of saying, “I don’t know if I can trust you again,” say, “I need time to evaluate if this relationship aligns with my values.”
Pro Tip: Use “I” statements to stay in control of the conversation.
Trust Your Gut
Your intuition is powerful. If something feels off, it probably is. Narcissists are skilled at saying the right things, but actions speak louder than words.
Pro Tip: Keep an eye on their behavior over time instead of getting swept up in the moment.
Seek Support
Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Sharing your experience helps you gain perspective and avoid making decisions in isolation.
Relatable Anecdote: Remember that time you almost bought those questionable shoes but your best friend convinced you otherwise? Same principle applies here.
Avoid Getting Pulled Into Drama
Narcissists thrive on chaos. If they try to provoke you, stay calm and don’t engage in their games.
Pro Tip: Practice detachment by focusing on facts, not emotions.
Focus on Your Growth
Shift your energy toward self-improvement and personal goals. When you focus on yourself, you’re less likely to be drawn into their orbit.
Relatable Anecdote: Imagine watering your own garden instead of chasing someone else’s rainclouds.
Practice Forgiveness, but on Your Terms
Forgiveness doesn’t mean allowing them back into your life. It’s about letting go of resentment so you can move forward.
Pro Tip: Forgive for your peace, not their benefit.
Know When to Cut Ties
If their return brings more harm than good, it’s okay to walk away. Cutting ties can be challenging but is often necessary for your well-being.
Example: Block their number, unfollow them on social media, and surround yourself with supportive people.
Stay True to Your Values
Don’t compromise your beliefs or self-worth to accommodate them. A healthy relationship aligns with your values and brings out the best in you.
Pro Tip: Write down your non-negotiables and refer back to them when in doubt.
Celebrate Your Strength
Recognize the progress you’ve made since distancing yourself. You’ve grown stronger and wiser, and their return doesn’t erase that.
Relatable Anecdote: Think of yourself as a phoenix rising from the ashes—stronger and more resilient.
Conclusion: Take Back Your Power
When a narcissist comes crawling back, it’s not about them—it’s about you. You have the power to decide what’s best for your life. By setting boundaries, trusting your intuition, and focusing on your growth, you can handle the situation like the strong, confident person you are.
Remember, you deserve relationships that uplift and inspire you, not ones that drain your energy. Keep shining, and don’t let anyone dim your light!