Breakups are never easy, but breaking up with a narcissist? That’s a whole different level of emotional rollercoaster. It’s like being in a hurricane, except the eye of the storm was pretending to love you. And when it ends, you don’t just cry into a tub of ice cream—you question everything about yourself, your choices, and whether love is even real.
I know this because I’ve been there. I’ve felt the sting of their manipulation, the exhaustion of constantly trying to prove my worth, and the soul-crushing realization that I was only a pawn in their game. But here’s the thing: I survived. And if you’re reading this, so will you.
So let’s break it down—the 17 raw emotions I went through after my narcissistic ex left me in pieces, and how I picked them up, glued them back together, and walked away stronger.
1. Shock: “Did That Really Just Happen?”
One minute, they were telling you that you were their soulmate. The next, they were discarding you like yesterday’s leftovers. The abruptness is staggering. It leaves you staring at your phone, rereading texts, trying to pinpoint the exact moment things went wrong.
How to Deal:
Accept that closure from a narcissist is a myth. The only way forward is to give yourself the closure they never will.
2. Denial: “They'll Come Back… Right?”
Your brain plays tricks on you, convincing you that this is just another one of their phases and that any minute now, they’ll send that “I miss you” text. Spoiler alert: If they do, it’s only to manipulate you again.
How to Deal:
Block them. Everywhere. No, seriously. If they wanted to change, they would have done it while they had you.
3. Devastation: “I Was Never Enough.”
Narcissists have a way of making you feel like you were the problem. That if only you were more patient, more loving, more something, they wouldn’t have left.
How to Deal:
Repeat after me: You were enough. You were always enough. They just made you believe otherwise because that’s how they keep control.
4. Anger: “How Dare They?”
Once the sadness starts to fade, rage kicks in. You start remembering all the lies, the manipulation, the gaslighting. And suddenly, the idea of running into them with your car feels mildly appealing (don’t do it, though).
How to Deal:
Use that anger productively. Hit the gym, start a new hobby, scream into a pillow. Just don’t let it turn into bitterness—you deserve better than that.
5. Confusion: “Who Even Was I in That Relationship?”
You start questioning everything. Were they ever real with you? Did they ever love you? Was the entire relationship just one long performance?
How to Deal:
Journal it out. Writing down what happened will help you see the manipulation clearly. And once you do, you’ll start reclaiming your reality.
6. Self-Blame: “Why Didn’t I See the Red Flags?”
You replay every moment in your head, kicking yourself for ignoring the signs. But here’s the truth: narcissists are master manipulators. They wanted you to miss the red flags.
How to Deal:
Forgive yourself. The only person who should feel guilty here is them.
7. Hopelessness: “Will I Ever Love Again?”
At this stage, romance feels like a scam. You start wondering if everyone is just pretending to love people for their own benefit.
How to Deal:
Remind yourself that not everyone is like your ex. There are kind, genuine people out there—you just need to heal before you can recognize them.
8. Jealousy: “They Moved On So Fast?”
Narcissists don’t grieve breakups like normal people. They replace. And when you see them flaunting a new partner just weeks after you split, it hurts.
How to Deal:
Remember, their new relationship isn’t love—it’s just another cycle. Feel bad for the new person, not jealous of them.
9. Nostalgia: “But We Had Good Times Too.”
Your brain will conveniently forget all the pain and only replay the good memories, tricking you into thinking maybe they weren’t that bad.
How to Deal:
Whenever nostalgia kicks in, write down all the ways they hurt you. Keep that list handy for weak moments.
10. Loneliness: “No One Understands This Pain.”
It’s isolating. Not everyone gets what it’s like to be broken by a narcissist. Some might even say, “Just move on.” (Unfriend them.)
How to Deal:
Find a support system—friends, therapy, online survivor groups. Surround yourself with people who get it.
11. Guilt: “Maybe I Could Have Saved Them.”
You might feel guilty for giving up on them, for not “fixing” them. But here’s a hard truth: Narcissists don’t change unless they want to. And most don’t want to.
How to Deal:
Know that it’s not your job to heal someone who refuses to be healed.
12. Anxiety: “What If They Come Back?”
Just when you start healing, the fear creeps in. What if they hoover their way back in?
How to Deal:
Prepare. Decide in advance what you’ll say or do if they reach out. (Hint: It involves not responding.)
13. Regret: “I Should Have Left Sooner.”
The time lost stings. But regret keeps you stuck in the past, and you don’t belong there anymore.
How to Deal:
Focus on what’s ahead. You still have a future waiting for you, and it’s brighter without them.
14. Relief: “Wait… I Can Breathe Again?”
One day, you’ll realize you don’t have to walk on eggshells anymore. That you can exist without the constant emotional chaos. And damn, does it feel good.
15. Hope: “Maybe Love Isn’t Dead After All.”
As you heal, you start believing in love again. Not the twisted version your ex showed you, but the real, healthy kind.
16. Empowerment: “I’m Stronger Than I Thought.”
You come out of this battle with scars, yes. But also with resilience. With wisdom. With an unshakable understanding of your worth.
17. Closure: “I Don’t Need Them Anymore.”
And finally, you reach the point where they don’t occupy your thoughts anymore. You see them for what they really are—a lesson. And you? You’re moving on to bigger, better things.
Final Thoughts: You Survived, and That’s Your Superpower
Healing from a narcissist isn’t a straight road. It’s messy, exhausting, and sometimes, it feels never-ending. But every day that you choose yourself over them, you win.
So take your time. Be kind to yourself. And when love finds you again—because it will—you’ll be ready for the kind that doesn’t hurt.