Breakups are tough. Whether it's the end of a long-term relationship or a short fling that just didn’t work out, there’s no denying that a breakup can leave you feeling emotionally drained, confused, and sometimes a little lost. However, while it’s natural to feel all sorts of things, it’s also important to know what not to do after a breakup. A few missteps could prolong your pain or even make the healing process more complicated. That’s why having a “Breakup Rulebook” can be a lifesaver. It’s not about denying your feelings but empowering yourself to bounce back in the healthiest way possible.
In this article, we’ll go over 10 things women should absolutely avoid doing after a breakup. These aren’t just rules—they’re practical, friendly reminders to help you rebuild your life and move forward with strength, confidence, and self-love.
1. Don’t Keep in Touch with Him
It might seem harmless to send a “Hey, how’s it going?” text or “Just checking in” a few weeks after the breakup. But here’s the deal—staying in contact with your ex will only confuse you both and delay the healing process.
When we end relationships, it’s crucial to take time apart. You need space to grieve, process, and move on. Keeping in touch can reignite old feelings, and, trust me, that’s not helpful when you’re trying to get over him. So, if you’re tempted to text, call, or “accidentally” run into him, think twice.
Example:
Lisa had been texting her ex every few days, thinking it would help her feel less lonely. After two months, she realized she was just holding onto the past. The texts only made her feel worse, not better. She decided to cut off contact completely—and surprisingly, it was the first step toward finding happiness again.
2. Don’t Stalk Him on Social Media
It’s tempting, we know. You want to know what he’s up to, who he’s hanging out with, and if he’s really doing better without you. But here’s the thing—social media gives a distorted view of someone’s life. What you see is just a highlight reel, not the full picture.
Stalking his Instagram or Facebook just gives you unnecessary anxiety and keeps you stuck in the past. So, hit that unfollow or mute button and focus on your own life.
Pro Tip:
Use that time you’d spend scrolling through his feed to explore something new—like starting a new hobby or diving into an exciting project. It’s a great way to reconnect with yourself.
3. Don’t Play the Blame Game
It’s easy to fall into the trap of blaming your ex for everything that went wrong. “If only he had done this, if only he hadn’t said that.” But the truth is, breakups are rarely one-sided. There’s usually a mix of issues from both partners.
Rather than playing the blame game, take this time to reflect on what you learned from the relationship. What will you do differently in the future? Blaming yourself or him will only keep you stuck in anger or resentment, so focus on healing and growth instead.
Example:
Samantha spent weeks blaming herself for her breakup, convinced she wasn’t good enough. Eventually, she realized that relationships are about growth and compromise. Once she shifted her mindset, she started seeing her breakup as an opportunity to learn and grow stronger.
4. Don’t Jump Into Another Relationship Immediately
After a breakup, the idea of dating again can seem tempting, especially if you want to distract yourself from the pain. But rushing into a new relationship isn’t the solution. You need time to heal and rediscover who you are outside of a relationship.
Take the time to enjoy being single—trust me, you’ll never regret it. Reconnect with friends, focus on your passions, and most importantly, rediscover your self-worth. Once you're genuinely ready to date again, you’ll approach it with a fresh perspective.
Pro Tip:
Take yourself out on dates! Grab coffee at your favorite cafe, visit a museum, or watch a movie alone. You'll learn to love your own company, which is essential before welcoming someone else into your life.
5. Don’t Ignore Your Emotions
It’s tempting to bury your emotions and pretend everything’s fine. But pretending to be okay when you’re not won’t help. It's completely normal to feel sad, angry, or confused after a breakup.
Let yourself feel those emotions! Cry it out if you need to. Talk to a friend. Journal your thoughts. Suppressing your feelings only leads to them resurfacing later in ways you won’t expect. It’s far better to process them in the moment.
Example:
Maya tried to bottle up her emotions after a difficult breakup, but soon she found herself constantly overwhelmed. Once she finally allowed herself to cry, she felt lighter and was able to begin healing.
6. Don’t Make Big Life Decisions Right Away
We all know the saying, “Time heals all wounds,” but after a breakup, the impulse to change everything in your life might be strong. You might feel like moving to a new city, quitting your job, or cutting your hair dramatically.
While these decisions might seem like a good way to cope, it's better to give yourself some time to reflect before making any big changes. The emotional fog after a breakup can cloud your judgment. Wait a few months, and then decide if the change is something you genuinely want, not just a temporary escape.
Pro Tip:
Instead of drastic life changes, try small things to mix it up—like redecorating your room or learning a new skill. It’s refreshing and doesn’t involve permanent decisions.
7. Don’t Isolate Yourself
After a breakup, you may feel like retreating into your shell and cutting off contact with everyone. While some alone time is necessary, isolation can lead to loneliness and negative thoughts. Instead, make an effort to stay connected with your friends and family. Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.
Example:
Jessie spent the first few weeks alone, binge-watching Netflix, but realized she was isolating herself from the people who loved her. Once she reconnected with her friends, she started feeling better and found joy in simple moments again.
8. Don’t Speak Poorly About Your Ex
It’s tempting to vent to your friends about how awful your ex was, but constantly badmouthing him won’t help you move on. It’s okay to express your hurt and frustrations, but try to avoid turning your ex into the villain of the story. Respecting him, even from a distance, helps you maintain your dignity and peace.
Pro Tip:
If you catch yourself speaking badly about your ex, stop and think: “What is this doing for me?” Venting is okay, but negative talk can quickly turn into toxic behavior that won’t serve your healing process.
9. Don’t Stay in the “What Ifs”
It’s easy to get lost in the “what if” trap after a breakup. “What if I had done this differently?” or “What if we had tried harder?” can make you feel stuck and prevent you from moving forward.
Remember, you made the decision for a reason. Stay focused on the present and look forward to the future instead of dwelling on what could have been.
Example:
After her breakup, Ellie spent weeks questioning whether she should have fought harder for the relationship. Eventually, she realized that moving on was the healthiest choice for both of them, and she could only control what happened next—not what she wished had happened.
10. Don’t Lose Sight of Your Self-Worth
One of the most damaging things you can do after a breakup is question your worth. A breakup doesn’t define who you are. It simply means that this relationship wasn’t the right one for you. You are deserving of love, respect, and happiness—don’t let one relationship make you doubt that.
Pro Tip:
When you’re feeling down, remind yourself of your strengths, your achievements, and the amazing qualities that make you who you are. Self-love is key to bouncing back.
Conclusion: Moving On with Confidence
Breakups are never easy, but they are also opportunities for growth, self-reflection, and new beginnings. The best thing you can do after a breakup is to focus on healing, rediscovering yourself, and creating a life that makes you happy. Keep these tips in mind, and remember—this too shall pass. Soon, you'll look back on this moment as a turning point, not just in your love life but in your personal journey as well.
And who knows? One day, you’ll be stronger, wiser, and ready to embrace a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. In the meantime, be kind to yourself, take it one day at a time, and trust that brighter days are ahead.