Breakups are hard enough without having to deal with the emotional wreckage caused by a narcissist. If you've ever found yourself caught in the web of a narcissistic relationship, you know exactly what we're talking about. Narcissists are experts in the art of manipulation, often leaving their exes feeling confused, frustrated, and emotionally drained. So, how do narcissists treat their former flames after the relationship ends? Let's take a closer look at some of the most shameless tactics they use.
1. The Silent Treatment (Because Communication is for the Weak)
One of the most common things a narcissist will do after a breakup is disappear. They give you the silent treatment, leaving you in limbo, wondering if they’re coming back or if they’ve just moved on with someone else. It’s a way for them to feel in control, often making you feel like you’re the one who’s been abandoned.
Pro Tip: If you’re dealing with a narcissist who’s ignoring you, don’t chase them. This is their way of testing your boundaries and drawing you back in. Focus on yourself, and take the opportunity to heal.
2. They’ll Rewrite History (And Not in a Good Way)
Ever heard your narcissist ex say things like, “You were always too sensitive” or “I never said that!”? Narcissists have a talent for rewriting history to make themselves look like the good guy, no matter how toxic the relationship was. They often downplay or dismiss the pain they caused and may even convince others (and sometimes themselves) that they were the real victim.
Pro Tip: Document your thoughts and feelings during the relationship so you can remind yourself of the reality when they try to gaslight you. Trust your memory, not their revisionist history.
3. They Play the Victim (Shocker, Right?)
Instead of owning up to their mistakes, narcissists often take the victim route. They’ll tell everyone how you hurt them, manipulating the narrative to make themselves seem like the one who got a raw deal. If you’ve ever heard, “I did everything for you” or “You’re the reason this didn’t work out,” you’re likely dealing with a narcissist.
Pro Tip: Don’t engage with their victim complex. It’s a manipulation tactic designed to make you feel guilty or responsible for their actions. Keep your distance and focus on healing.
4. Love Bombing 2.0 (But in Reverse)
After the breakup, you might notice your narcissist ex suddenly being “super nice” or even apologizing in a way that seems too good to be true. This is often just a temporary tactic to reel you back in. Once they’ve got you hooked again, they’ll go right back to their old tricks.
Pro Tip: Don’t fall for it! Remember that their apologies aren’t rooted in genuine remorse but in the desire to control or manipulate you. Trust actions, not words.
5. They’ll Try to Make You Jealous (Because Who Doesn’t Love a Good Drama?)
Narcissists love attention, and if they can’t get it from you, they’ll look for it elsewhere. One common tactic is to flaunt a new relationship or casually mention their new “flame” in conversation, hoping to make you jealous. It’s a game of control, trying to get a rise out of you and keep you emotionally invested.
Pro Tip: If you see them trying to make you jealous, resist the urge to react. The less attention you give to their antics, the less power they have over you.
6. They’ll Keep “Casually” Reaching Out (Until They Don’t)
Just when you think you’ve moved on, your narcissist ex will “accidentally” message you. It could be a simple “Hey, how have you been?” or a random question about something trivial. They’re testing the waters to see if you’re still emotionally available for them.
Pro Tip: Don’t respond unless it’s absolutely necessary. Keep your boundaries strong, and remember that this isn’t a friendly “catch up.” It’s a manipulative tactic to keep you hooked.
7. They’ll Trash You to Friends and Family (But Only Behind Your Back)
Instead of owning up to their mistakes, narcissists love to spread lies about their exes. If you’ve ever heard rumors or negative things about yourself from mutual friends, chances are your narcissist ex is behind them. They’ll paint themselves as the angel and you as the villain, hoping to turn people against you.
Pro Tip: Know your worth. Narcissists will always try to undermine your reputation, but you know who you are. Don’t let their words define you. Let your actions speak louder.
8. They’ll Use Your Weaknesses Against You
Narcissists are keen observers of human behavior, and they often know exactly where your vulnerabilities lie. After the breakup, they might use your weaknesses against you, either as a form of punishment or to try and manipulate you back into their lives.
Pro Tip: Work on your emotional resilience and self-esteem. The more you heal and build yourself up, the less power they’ll have over you.
9. They’ll Keep Tabs on You (Stalker Vibes)
It’s not uncommon for a narcissist to stalk their exes on social media. Whether they’re “liking” old posts, watching your Instagram stories, or snooping around on Facebook, they’re trying to keep an eye on your life and stay emotionally connected.
Pro Tip: Take control of your online presence. Block or mute them if necessary. It’s not about being petty—it’s about protecting your peace.
10. They’ll Give You the “Let’s Be Friends” Speech (Uh, No Thanks)
After a breakup, narcissists sometimes try to reframe the relationship into a “friendship.” They’ll try to downplay the emotional hurt and act like everything’s fine. But we all know that “just being friends” with a narcissist isn’t really an option—it’s just a way for them to maintain some level of control over you.
Pro Tip: Don’t fall for the “let’s be friends” line. It’s a trap. A clean break is the best way to reclaim your emotional independence.
11. They’ll Make You Feel Like You’re the One Who Needs Closure
Narcissists don’t believe in closure because it requires them to admit they were wrong. Instead, they’ll leave you hanging, waiting for some explanation that will never come. And when you finally start moving on, they’ll swoop in with a cryptic message or a confusing gesture.
Pro Tip: Closure is something you give yourself. You don’t need their explanation to move on. Trust yourself and focus on your own healing journey.
12. They’ll Do the “You’re Better Off Without Me” Routine (As if You Didn’t Already Know)
After the breakup, a narcissist might tell you that you’re better off without them, but don’t be fooled. This isn’t self-awareness; it’s another manipulation tactic. They want to appear self-sacrificial, as if they’re doing you a favor by walking away.
Pro Tip: Don’t buy into their act. You’re definitely better off without them, and you already know that.
Conclusion: You Deserve Better
Dealing with a narcissist after a breakup is never easy, but it’s important to remember that you deserve someone who treats you with kindness, respect, and honesty. While narcissists may continue to play their games, you have the power to break free from their influence. By setting boundaries, trusting your intuition, and focusing on your own growth, you can heal from the toxic patterns of the past and move forward into a healthier, happier future.
Remember, love is meant to be uplifting, not draining. So, let go of the narcissist and embrace the love you truly deserve. You’ve got this!