You’ve been seeing someone for a while, and everything seems great. He’s charming, confident, and knows just what to say. But then, slowly, certain behaviors start to creep in that make you raise an eyebrow. It’s hard to put your finger on it, but something doesn’t feel quite right. Is he just being confident, or is there something deeper at play?
If you’ve found yourself wondering whether you’re dealing with a narcissist, you’re not alone. Narcissistic behaviors can be subtle at first, but over time, they can turn a relationship into an emotional roller coaster. In this article, we’ll walk through the 10 red flags that he might just be a narcissist—and why that’s a huge problem. Spoiler alert: it’s as bad as you think.
1. Everything’s About Him—Always
Narcissists are like black holes of attention. They constantly crave validation and approval. In conversations, it’s rare to hear them ask about your day or your feelings. Instead, they dominate the discussion with their own thoughts, experiences, and problems.
Real-Life Example:
Let’s say you’ve had a tough day at work and just want to vent a little. You start talking about a stressful project, but somehow, he turns it into a story about how he once handled a similar situation. Before you know it, you’ve completely forgotten what you were talking about, and he’s back at the center of attention. Classic narcissist move.
2. Lack of Empathy—He Doesn’t Care About Your Feelings
Empathy is one of the most important traits in a healthy relationship, but narcissists are usually lacking in this department. They struggle to understand or care about other people’s emotions, especially when they conflict with their own desires.
Pro Tip:
When you’re dating, pay attention to how he reacts when you’re upset. Does he listen? Does he comfort you? Or does he make your feelings seem trivial or blame you for your emotions?
3. He Believes He’s Always Right—No Matter What
A narcissist doesn’t just think he’s right—he knows he is. Even when the facts are against him, he’ll refuse to admit he’s wrong. In his eyes, his opinion is law.
Relatable Story:
Imagine you’re having a conversation about something minor, like whether the best pizza place in town is Mario’s or Tony’s. You offer your opinion, and he shoots it down with a “Well, I know for a fact…” and suddenly, it’s like he’s the authority on pizza. Even though the conversation started innocently, he’s determined to win it. This is a typical behavior for a narcissist.
4. Excessive Compliments or Over-the-Top Flattery
At first, narcissists are often overly charming. They might shower you with compliments, but it’s not because they genuinely admire you—it’s because they’re trying to secure your admiration and make you feel indebted to them.
Real-Life Example:
A narcissist might tell you that you’re the most beautiful person they’ve ever met—constantly. But it’s not about you. It’s about how that makes them look. And when they don’t get the reaction they want, it’ll feel like you’re suddenly not as impressive as they once thought.
5. Gaslighting—Making You Doubt Your Reality
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where a narcissist twists situations to make you question your own thoughts, feelings, or memories. If you feel confused, anxious, or like you're losing touch with your own perception, it could be a sign of gaslighting.
Pro Tip:
If you find yourself apologizing when you haven’t done anything wrong, or if he consistently makes you feel like you're imagining things, trust your gut—this is a major red flag.
6. He’s Jealous and Possessive
A narcissist may act as though they’re the only person who can truly understand or appreciate you. This often leads to jealousy and possessiveness. He doesn’t want you hanging out with friends or even having your own interests.
Real-Life Example:
You make plans with your friends, and he gets upset. “Why are you going out with them when we could be doing something together?” He’s not concerned about your happiness—he’s concerned about controlling your time and keeping you isolated.
7. He Loves to Play the Victim
When things go wrong, a narcissist will always find a way to blame others—usually you. They can never admit fault and often turn every situation around to make themselves the victim.
Relatable Story:
Let’s say he forgets your anniversary and you’re understandably upset. Instead of apologizing, he says, “You’re overreacting. I have so much going on. You know I’m under stress. You should be more understanding.” Notice how he turned it around and made you the bad guy?
8. He’s Grandiose and Feels Entitled to Special Treatment
Narcissists believe they’re superior to others and should be treated as such. They expect to be admired and receive preferential treatment, whether they’ve earned it or not.
Pro Tip:
If you catch him acting entitled—expecting the best seat at a restaurant, for example, or thinking the rules don’t apply to him—take note. This sense of entitlement can be a major relationship killer.
9. He’ll Only Commit on His Terms
Commitment is hard for narcissists because it means giving up some control. They’ll often try to keep you hooked with just enough attention to keep you interested, but they’re not willing to fully invest in the relationship unless it benefits them.
Real-Life Example:
He might say things like, “I’m not ready for a relationship right now,” but he still expects you to be there for him. He’s not looking for equal effort; he’s looking for someone to fulfill his needs when he feels like it.
10. He’s Always Looking for an Audience
Whether it’s in person or on social media, a narcissist thrives on attention. He loves to post pictures of himself, share accomplishments, and tell everyone about how amazing his life is—even when it’s an exaggeration of reality.
Pro Tip:
If he’s always talking about himself or seeking praise online, pay attention. Healthy relationships are about shared experiences, not just his personal highlight reel.
11. He Has a History of Short, Intense Relationships
Narcissists often jump from one relationship to another without taking time to heal or reflect. Their relationships are often intense at first, but they tend to burn out quickly as the narcissist’s need for validation grows.
Relatable Story:
Maybe he’s been through a series of short-term relationships, each one ending with the same pattern: the person “wasn’t good enough” or “didn't understand him.” It’s never about the narcissist—they’ll always find someone else to blame.
12. He Criticizes You for Little Things
Narcissists have a knack for finding fault with everything you do. Even the smallest mistakes get blown out of proportion, making you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells.
Pro Tip:
Pay attention to how he reacts when you make a mistake. If his response is disproportionate, or if he puts you down, it’s a sign that he’s trying to diminish you to feel superior.
13. He’s Emotionally Unavailable
Even though a narcissist craves attention and admiration, they’re often emotionally unavailable. They might not open up about their feelings or allow themselves to be vulnerable with you, as it threatens their carefully crafted image.
Real-Life Example:
You try to have a heart-to-heart conversation, but he deflects with jokes, changes the subject, or goes silent. When you ask him what's wrong, he says, “Nothing. You’re overthinking it.” This emotionally distant behavior is typical of a narcissist.
14. You Feel Drained After Interactions
One of the most telling signs of being in a relationship with a narcissist is the emotional toll it takes on you. You may feel mentally exhausted, drained, or confused after spending time with him.
Pro Tip:
If you find yourself feeling emotionally worn out or like you're constantly giving and not receiving, it’s time to step back and reassess the relationship.
15. He Expects You to Always Praise Him
If he thrives on constant praise and attention, this is a big red flag. Narcissists feed off compliments and will become upset or distant if they don’t get enough admiration.
Relatable Story:
You casually mention that his outfit looks nice, and he immediately responds, “You think so? I was actually hoping you'd notice!” It’s not about appreciation—it’s about feeding his ego.
Conclusion: Trust Your Gut and Protect Your Peace
Now that you’ve recognized the red flags of narcissism, it’s time to trust your gut. A relationship with a narcissist is emotionally exhausting and unhealthy. If you notice these signs, take a step back and reassess whether this person is truly right for you. Remember, you deserve a partner who values you as much as you value yourself. Protect your peace, trust in your worth, and know that you can find someone who treats you with the love and respect you deserve.
Keep these tips in mind, and stay vigilant in your dating life. You’ve got this!