Narcissists often get portrayed as charming villains or misunderstood souls, but the truth? There are a lot of myths floating around that can leave you confused, vulnerable, and stuck in toxic relationships. It’s time to clear the air. Let’s bust some of the biggest myths you’ve been told about narcissists—and help you protect yourself along the way.
1. Myth: Narcissists Have High Self-Esteem
Truth: Narcissists seem confident, but their self-esteem is as fragile as your Wi-Fi signal during a storm.
Sure, they come across as self-assured, successful, and even magnetic at first glance. But deep down, narcissists are insecure. Their arrogance is a mask, and they need constant validation from others to feel good about themselves. If they don’t get it, expect tantrums that would put a toddler to shame.
Pro Tip: Don’t mistake arrogance for confidence. True confidence doesn’t require constant applause.
2. Myth: Narcissists Don’t Have Feelings
Truth: They have feelings—they just prioritize their own above everyone else’s.
Narcissists can feel anger, jealousy, and even sadness, but empathy? That’s where the line gets blurry. They struggle to care about how others feel unless it directly affects them. Your pain might get a meh from them, but if their image is threatened? Suddenly, they’re all fired up.
Remember: Just because someone has feelings doesn’t mean they’re capable of caring for yours.
3. Myth: All Narcissists Are Obvious and Loud
Truth: Some narcissists are loud and proud, but others are sneaky and subtle.
There’s more than one type of narcissist. The “grandiose” type demands attention and admiration. But the “covert” narcissist? They play the victim, fish for sympathy, and manipulate you in quieter, more passive ways. Think of it as the difference between a roaring lion and a sly fox—both dangerous, just different approaches.
Watch Out For: The humble-bragger who always “hates being the center of attention” but somehow always ends up there.
4. Myth: Narcissists Can Change if You Love Them Enough
Truth: Love is powerful, but it’s not a magic wand.
No matter how much you care, support, or sacrifice, narcissists rarely change. Why? Because they don’t think they’re the problem. They see themselves as perfect, and everyone else needs fixing. Waiting for a narcissist to change is like waiting for your favorite TV show to stop buffering on bad internet—it’s just not happening.
Pro Tip: Save your love for someone who values it. Narcissists thrive on taking, not giving.
5. Myth: Narcissists Are Just Confident People Who Love Themselves
Truth: Narcissism isn’t self-love; it’s self-obsession with a side of insecurity.
There’s a difference between self-love and narcissism. People who love themselves don’t need to belittle others, seek constant approval, or manipulate for attention. Narcissists do. They’re not lifting themselves up—they’re stepping on others to feel tall.
Ask Yourself: Does their “confidence” make others feel small? If yes, it’s not confidence—it’s narcissism.
6. Myth: Narcissists Are Always Successful and Charismatic
Truth: Not all narcissists are smooth-talking CEOs; some are your everyday coworkers, friends, or family members.
Sure, some narcissists climb the social ladder with their charm and ambition, but many are just regular people with a toxic need for control and validation. They can be the friend who constantly one-ups you, the sibling who guilt-trips you, or the partner who gaslights you.
Fun Fact: Narcissists exist in every walk of life. Your barista might be one. Your neighbor too. (Don’t worry—not everyone is a narcissist.)
7. Myth: If They’re Nice to Others, They Can’t Be Narcissistic
Truth: Narcissists often have a “public face” and a “private face.”
In public, they’re charming, helpful, and adored by everyone. But behind closed doors? It’s a whole different story. This Jekyll-and-Hyde behavior is why so many people stay trapped in relationships with narcissists—no one believes them when they say, “But they’re so different at home.”
Remember: How someone treats you in private is who they really are.
8. Myth: Narcissists Are Just Misunderstood
Truth: Narcissists understand exactly what they’re doing—they just don’t care.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking, “Maybe they don’t realize how much they’re hurting me.” Unfortunately, most narcissists know precisely what they’re doing. Manipulating, gaslighting, and guilt-tripping aren’t accidents—they’re strategies.
Harsh Reality: They’re not misunderstood—they’re just unapologetically self-centered.
9. Myth: Narcissists Can’t Maintain Long-Term Relationships
Truth: Narcissists can have long-term relationships—but at a cost.
Some narcissists stay in long-term relationships, but it’s rarely healthy. Their partners often feel emotionally drained, manipulated, and undervalued. Narcissists don’t stick around out of love—they stay because they need a steady source of validation. Think of it like keeping a phone charger nearby—you don’t love the charger, but you need it to keep going.
Pro Tip: A long relationship doesn’t mean a healthy one.
10. Myth: You Can “Fix” a Narcissist with Therapy
Truth: Therapy helps, but only if the narcissist genuinely wants to change—and most don’t.
Therapy can be life-changing, but narcissists rarely stick with it. Why? Because therapy involves accountability, and narcissists hate admitting fault. If they do go, it’s often to manipulate the narrative, not to heal.
Save Yourself the Heartache: Don’t wait for them to change. Focus on healing yourself instead.
Final Thoughts: Knowledge is Power
The biggest lie about narcissists? That you’re powerless against them. You’re not. By recognizing the myths, you’re already one step ahead. Protect your energy, trust your instincts, and remember: your kindness and empathy are strengths—don’t let anyone weaponize them against you.
Stay strong, stay informed, and most importantly—stay you.