If you’ve spent any time on social media, you’ve probably heard the word narcissist thrown around like confetti at a parade. Your ex who ghosted you? Narcissist. That coworker who won’t stop talking about their weekend trip to Paris? Definitely a narcissist. Your cat who demands attention but ignores you when you need cuddles? Well, probably not a narcissist—but you get the point.
While the term gets tossed around a lot, narcissism is a real psychological trait, and dealing with someone who has narcissistic tendencies (or full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder, aka NPD) can be confusing, exhausting, and sometimes even harmful.
To separate fact from fiction, we’ve asked therapists to spill the truth about narcissism—what it really is, how to spot it, and, most importantly, how to protect yourself if you find yourself tangled up with one.
Ready? Let’s dive in.
What Is Narcissism, Really?
At its core, narcissism is a personality trait characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. It exists on a spectrum—some people have mild narcissistic traits (think: the friend who loves the sound of their own voice), while others have NPD, a serious psychological disorder that can wreak havoc on relationships.
Therapists often describe narcissists as wearing a “mask”—they present themselves as confident and charming, but underneath, they’re deeply insecure and fragile. Sounds exhausting, right? That’s because it is.
Signs You Might Be Dealing With a Narcissist
So, how do you know if someone is a narcissist or just, well, a little self-absorbed? Here are some classic signs:
1. They Love Talking About Themselves
A narcissist’s favorite topic? Themselves. They can turn any conversation into a monologue about their achievements, their opinions, or how they once met a celebrity in an airport lounge.
What to do: If someone consistently dominates conversations and shows little interest in your life, take note—it’s a red flag.
2. They Lack Empathy
If you share something vulnerable, do they respond with a blank stare or, worse, make it about them? Narcissists struggle to truly connect with others' emotions.
Example: You tell them about a tough day at work, and they respond with, “Oh yeah? My day was worse. Let me tell you why.”
3. They Crave Constant Validation
Narcissists need an endless supply of compliments and reassurance. If they don’t get it, they may become moody or lash out.
Pro tip: Healthy confidence doesn’t require constant praise. If someone needs to be the center of attention at all times, something’s up.
4. They Gaslight You
Gaslighting is when someone manipulates you into questioning your own reality. A narcissist might say things like, “You’re overreacting,” or “That never happened,” to make you doubt yourself.
What to do: Trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is.
5. They Can’t Handle Criticism
Even the slightest critique—whether it’s about their work, their outfit, or their Instagram caption—can send them into a defensive spiral.
Example: You jokingly say, “Hey, maybe next time don’t take 20 selfies at dinner,” and suddenly, they’re sulking for hours.
How to Protect Yourself from a Narcissist
6. Set Boundaries (And Stick to Them!)
Narcissists will push your limits if you let them. Make it clear what behaviors you won’t tolerate and enforce those boundaries like a bouncer at an exclusive club.
7. Stop Expecting Them to Change
A classic mistake people make? Thinking they can “fix” a narcissist. Spoiler alert: You can’t. Therapy might help, but only if they genuinely want to change (which is rare).
8. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally
Their actions say more about them than about you. If they’re being dismissive or cruel, remember—it’s not about you. It’s about their own issues.
9. Learn the Power of the Grey Rock Method
This is a strategy where you become as boring and unresponsive as possible, giving them nothing to react to. If they don’t get a reaction, they often lose interest.
Example: If they try to provoke you with drama, just respond with, “Hmm,” or “Interesting.” Watch them fizzle out.
10. Surround Yourself with Supportive People
Narcissists thrive when they isolate you. Keep your friends and family close—these are the people who will remind you what healthy relationships look like.
11. Know When to Walk Away
If you’re constantly feeling drained, manipulated, or anxious around someone, it’s okay to cut ties. Prioritizing your mental health isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
But Wait—Are You the Narcissist?
Tough question, right? But self-reflection is key. Having confidence and ambition doesn’t make you a narcissist. The difference? True narcissists lack empathy and see people as tools for their own gain.
If you’ve ever worried about being one, chances are… you’re not. Because actual narcissists rarely, if ever, question themselves.
The Takeaway: You Deserve Healthy Relationships
At the end of the day, dealing with a narcissist—whether it’s a partner, friend, family member, or boss—can be incredibly challenging. But here’s the good news: you’re not powerless.
By recognizing the signs, setting boundaries, and prioritizing your own well-being, you can navigate these relationships with confidence. And if you need to walk away? That’s not weakness. That’s strength.
So here’s your reminder: You deserve relationships where you feel seen, heard, and valued. No more settling for emotional gymnastics to keep someone else happy.
Now go forth and protect your peace—you’ve got this!