Have you ever felt like someone in your life treats you like a possession rather than a person? Like you are only valued for what you provide rather than who you are? If so, you may have been caught in the emotional web of a narcissist.
Narcissists do not see people the way emotionally healthy individuals do. They do not recognize others as independent beings with their own needs, desires, and emotions. Instead, they view people as objects—tools to be used for their own benefit. Whether it is admiration, control, status, or power, a narcissist sees relationships as transactions rather than genuine connections.
So why do narcissists objectify others, and how does this impact the people trapped in their orbit? Let’s break down the psychology behind their behavior and the devastating effects it has on those who care about them.
The Narcissist’s Worldview: A Life Without Emotional Depth
At the core of narcissistic personality disorder is a profound lack of empathy. Unlike most people, who naturally form emotional connections and consider the feelings of others, narcissists are emotionally shallow. They do not engage in relationships based on mutual care and understanding. Instead, they view relationships as a means to an end.
To a narcissist, people fall into categories:
- Useful objects – People who provide them with admiration, validation, or resources.
- Obstacles – Those who challenge their superiority or fail to meet their needs.
- Irrelevant individuals – Anyone who does not serve a purpose in their life.
The moment someone stops being useful, they are discarded without remorse. If they become an obstacle, they are attacked, manipulated, or punished. There is no room for deep emotional bonds, only a system of control and exploitation.
How Narcissists Use Others as Objects
1. The Mirror: Seeking Endless Validation
Narcissists crave constant admiration and affirmation to prop up their fragile self-esteem. They use people as mirrors, reflecting back the image they want to see.
If you praise them, boost their ego, and make them feel important, they will keep you around. But the moment you stop feeding their need for validation, they will either discard you or manipulate you into resuming your role as their personal cheerleader.
For someone in a relationship with a narcissist, this often means walking on eggshells, constantly trying to keep them happy to avoid their rage or silent treatment. It is an exhausting, one-sided dynamic that leaves the other person drained and unappreciated.
2. The Trophy: Using You for Status and Image
Many narcissists are obsessed with appearances. They carefully curate their lives to look successful, desirable, and powerful. This includes using people as trophies—whether it is a romantic partner, a successful friend, or a high-status colleague.
If you make them look good, they will keep you close. If you have achievements, beauty, wealth, or influence, they will parade you around like a prized possession. But your worth to them is entirely conditional—the moment you stop serving their image, they will either replace you or try to diminish your value to others.
You are not loved for who you are but for how you elevate their social standing.
3. The Puppet: Controlling Your Thoughts and Actions
Narcissists thrive on control. They manipulate people into thinking, feeling, and acting in ways that serve them. They may do this through gaslighting, guilt-tripping, or emotional blackmail.
They do not respect your autonomy because, in their minds, you are not a separate individual—you are an extension of their will. If you try to assert your independence, they see it as defiance, often responding with punishment, whether through silent treatment, insults, or explosive rage.
For the person under their control, life becomes a constant struggle to please the narcissist, sacrificing their own happiness in the process.
4. The Punching Bag: Blaming You for Their Problems
When things go wrong, narcissists rarely take responsibility. Instead, they use others as emotional dumping grounds. If they are stressed, you become the target of their anger. If they fail, they blame you for distracting them. If they feel insecure, they insult you to make themselves feel superior.
Being in a relationship with a narcissist often means taking the blame for things that are not your fault. Over time, this can erode your self-esteem, making you believe that you are the problem when, in reality, you are just their scapegoat.
5. The Disposable Object: Discarding You When You Are No Longer Useful
Perhaps the most painful part of being involved with a narcissist is the inevitable discard. The moment you stop being useful—whether by setting boundaries, challenging them, or no longer feeding their ego—they will toss you aside without a second thought.
Unlike healthy relationships, where people work through conflicts and appreciate each other beyond momentary benefits, narcissists simply move on. They may even replace you with someone new, starting the cycle all over again.
For the person being discarded, the experience is devastating. They gave love, time, and effort, only to realize they were never truly valued—just used.
Why Do People Stay in These Relationships?
If narcissists treat people like objects, why do so many individuals—especially empaths—stay? The answer lies in the narcissist’s ability to manipulate emotions.
- They start with charm – In the beginning, narcissists can be incredibly charismatic, making you feel special and adored. This creates an emotional bond that makes it hard to leave.
- They use intermittent reinforcement – They alternate between love and cruelty, making their victims crave their approval like an addiction.
- They break self-esteem – By constantly criticizing and controlling their victims, they make them feel unworthy of love elsewhere.
- They create a trauma bond – The highs and lows of the relationship trigger deep emotional dependency, making it feel impossible to walk away.
Breaking Free: Reclaiming Your Humanity
Escaping a narcissistic relationship is not just about walking away—it is about rebuilding your sense of self. Here is how you start:
1. Recognize the Pattern
Understanding that you are being used is the first step. Once you see the narcissist’s behavior for what it is, their power over you weakens.
2. Set Boundaries and Stick to Them
Narcissists hate boundaries because they threaten their control. Saying no, limiting contact, or cutting ties completely is essential for protecting yourself.
3. Rebuild Your Self-Esteem
Surround yourself with people who see you as a person, not a tool. Therapy, self-care, and personal growth can help you reconnect with your worth.
4. Accept That They Will Never Change
Narcissists do not experience personal growth the way healthy individuals do. Waiting for them to change or finally see your value will only prolong your suffering.
5. Walk Away Without Looking Back
Once you decide to leave, do not engage in closure conversations or final explanations. Narcissists do not care about closure; they only care about maintaining control.
You Are Not an Object—You Are a Person
If you have ever felt like a narcissist treated you as disposable, controllable, or only valuable when convenient, you are not alone. But the good news is, you are more than a mirror, a puppet, or a possession. You are a whole, independent, and valuable person who deserves genuine love and respect.
Healing from a narcissistic relationship takes time, but the moment you stop seeking validation from someone incapable of giving it, you reclaim your power, your identity, and your freedom.