Picture this: You meet someone charming, confident, and incredibly charismatic. They seem to have their life together, and at first, their attention feels intoxicating. But over time, something feels… off. You start questioning your reality, doubting yourself, and feeling emotionally drained.
Chances are, you've encountered a narcissist.
Narcissists are masters of manipulation, wearing a mask so convincing that even the smartest people fall for their games. They thrive on control, admiration, and most importantly—secrecy. They don’t want you to see the patterns behind their behavior because if you do, their power over you crumbles.
So today, we’re exposing them. Here are the three secret behaviors narcissists don’t want you to know—and how you can protect yourself from their toxic grip.
1. They Mirror You to Make You Feel Like They’re Your Soulmate
Ever met someone who seemed too perfect? Someone who shared all your interests, understood you on a deep level, and made you feel like you’d known them forever?
That wasn’t fate—it was mirroring.
What is Mirroring?
Mirroring is when narcissists copy your personality, interests, and values to create an instant bond. They listen carefully to what excites you, what you believe in, and even your childhood stories. Then, they reflect it all back to you like a perfect match.
- Love hiking? They suddenly do too.
- Passionate about a certain book? They claim it changed their life.
- Value honesty? They insist they hate liars.
This makes you feel like you’ve found “the one”—whether it’s a romantic partner, a friend, or even a boss who seems to get you. It fast-tracks trust, making you let your guard down.
Why Do They Do This?
Narcissists don’t have a strong sense of self. Instead, they shape-shift into whatever will get them the most admiration and control. They aren’t bonding with you out of genuine connection; they’re creating an illusion so you become attached to them.
How to Protect Yourself
- Take things slow: Real connections take time to build. If someone seems too perfect too soon, it’s a red flag.
- Notice inconsistencies: A narcissist can’t keep up the act forever. Eventually, their true personality slips through.
- Test their empathy: Share a minor struggle and see if they respond with genuine concern—or if they quickly turn the conversation back to themselves.
2. They Use ‘Flying Monkeys’ to Manipulate and Isolate You
If you’ve ever felt like a narcissist was waging a smear campaign against you while playing the victim, you’ve experienced their second secret tactic: flying monkeys.
What Are Flying Monkeys?
No, they’re not literal monkeys. This term, inspired by The Wizard of Oz, describes the people narcissists manipulate into doing their dirty work.
These “monkeys” can be:
- Mutual friends
- Family members
- Co-workers
- Even your own children
The narcissist tells them twisted, half-true, or completely false stories about you to turn them against you. They use charm, guilt, or fake tears to convince others that you are the problem.
- They might tell your friends that you’re “overreacting” or “unstable.”
- They could paint themselves as the victim, saying you’re “abusive” or “selfish.”
- They may subtly plant doubts in people’s minds so that when you try to tell your side, no one believes you.
Why Do They Do This?
Two reasons: isolation and control.
By turning people against you, the narcissist isolates you from potential allies, making you more dependent on them. It also protects their reputation—after all, if they get to tell their version of events first, you’ll always look like the bad guy.
How to Protect Yourself
- Recognize the game: If people suddenly start treating you differently, consider what the narcissist may have told them.
- Don’t play defense: Trying to “prove” yourself usually backfires because it makes you seem guilty. Instead, stay calm and keep your dignity.
- Hold onto the truth: Over time, narcissists expose themselves. People will start seeing the inconsistencies in their stories.
3. They Engage in ‘Future Faking’ to Keep You Hooked
One of the most emotionally devastating tricks narcissists use is future faking—selling you a dream they have no intention of fulfilling.
What is Future Faking?
Future faking is when a narcissist promises a wonderful future to keep you invested, but it never actually happens.
- In relationships, they talk about getting married, having kids, or traveling the world with you—but those plans keep getting pushed further and further into the future.
- In friendships, they promise to support you, collaborate on projects, or always be there—but they never follow through.
- At work, a narcissistic boss might dangle a promotion, raise, or exciting new role—keeping you working hard for something that never materializes.
Why Do They Do This?
Because it controls you. The hope of a better future keeps you from walking away, even when reality shows no progress. It’s a classic breadcrumbing technique—giving you just enough to keep you hooked but never enough to be truly fulfilled.
How to Protect Yourself
- Look at actions, not words: If someone repeatedly makes promises but never delivers, believe their actions over their words.
- Set clear timelines: If someone says, “Let’s move in together next year,” ask for specifics. If they get vague or defensive, it’s a red flag.
- Trust your gut: If you feel like you’re always waiting for a future that never arrives, you probably are.
Final Thoughts: Breaking Free from the Narcissist’s Illusions
Narcissists thrive on secrecy, manipulation, and illusion. They want you to believe their lies, to doubt yourself, and to keep playing their game.
But once you see the patterns, you can break free.
If you’ve recognized these behaviors in someone close to you, don’t panic. You have power:
- Awareness is your biggest weapon: Once you understand the game, you stop playing it.
- Distance is your best defense: Whether emotionally or physically, create space between you and the narcissist.
- Healing takes time: Narcissists can leave deep wounds, but with the right support, you can rebuild your confidence and trust in yourself.
You deserve genuine relationships built on truth, respect, and love—not manipulation.
And now that you know their secrets, a narcissist will have a much harder time fooling you again.