If you have ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, whether romantic, familial, or professional, you know how draining it can be. Narcissists have a way of making you feel like you are always reaching for something just out of your grasp. You give, you compromise, you love, and yet it never seems to be enough.
That is because narcissists are not built to give you what you need. They take and take while leaving you emotionally exhausted and questioning your worth. They may charm you in the beginning, making you believe they can provide love, security, and loyalty. But eventually, the illusion fades, and you realize there are certain things a narcissist simply cannot and will not give you.
If you are waiting for them to change, it is time to stop. Here are five things you will never get from a narcissist, no matter how much you try.
1. Genuine Love and Emotional Support
At first, a narcissist may seem like the most loving and affectionate person you have ever met. They shower you with attention, compliments, and admiration. This is not real love. It is love-bombing, a manipulation tactic to draw you in and make you emotionally dependent on them.
Once they feel they have you, the warmth fades, and you are left wondering what went wrong. They become distant, critical, or even cruel. If you try to express your feelings, they dismiss you, turn the blame on you, or act like you are overreacting.
Narcissists lack emotional depth and empathy, which means they are unable to provide genuine love and support. They may mimic these behaviors when it benefits them, but they do not truly feel or understand love in the way healthy individuals do.
No matter how much you give, no matter how deeply you love them, they will never return it in the way you need.
2. Accountability and Apologies
Narcissists do not take responsibility for their actions. Ever.
If they hurt you, lie to you, or betray you, they will always have an excuse. They will twist the story, shift the blame, or even make it seem like you are the problem. If you call them out, they might get angry, gaslight you, or give a fake apology that sounds something like this:
I am sorry you feel that way.
I did not mean to hurt you, but you are too sensitive.
You are the one who made me do that.
A true apology involves self-reflection, remorse, and a willingness to change. Narcissists do not believe they are wrong, so they will never take responsibility. Instead, they will rewrite the narrative to make themselves the victim and you the villain.
Waiting for an apology from a narcissist is like waiting for rain in a desert. It is never coming.
3. Emotional Stability and Consistency
One day, they treat you like you are the most important person in their world. The next, they act like you barely exist. Their mood swings are unpredictable, and their behavior is exhausting.
You might spend hours analyzing what you did wrong, why they are suddenly distant, or how you can make them happy again. The truth is, you did nothing wrong. The inconsistency is part of their nature.
Narcissists thrive on control, and keeping you emotionally unstable keeps them in power. They give just enough love and validation to keep you hooked, then pull away to make you chase them.
They are not looking for an equal relationship. They are looking for dominance. If you feel like you are always walking on eggshells, afraid to upset them, that is exactly how they want it.
4. Loyalty and Trustworthiness
Narcissists are not loyal to anyone but themselves. They may pretend to be, but their actions tell a different story.
They lie, manipulate, and betray without remorse. If you confront them, they will deny, minimize, or justify their actions. They might even accuse you of being the untrustworthy one.
Their sense of entitlement means they believe they can do whatever they want without consequences. If they cheat, they will blame you for not making them happy. If they lie, they will claim they had no choice. If they break promises, they will gaslight you into believing you misunderstood.
You cannot build trust with someone who only values themselves. A narcissist will always put their own needs and desires above honesty, integrity, and loyalty.
5. Unconditional Respect and Validation
Narcissists demand respect but rarely give it in return. They expect admiration, obedience, and attention, but they belittle, dismiss, or undermine others.
If you express an opinion they do not like, they will mock you.
If you set boundaries, they will push against them.
If you succeed, they will either take credit for it or minimize your achievement.
They constantly need to feel superior, which means they will never truly validate your feelings, ideas, or worth.
No matter how much you try to prove yourself, no matter how much you do for them, they will always move the goalpost. They do not want an equal partner. They want control.
Breaking Free: What You Deserve Instead
If you are dealing with a narcissist, the most important thing to remember is that you deserve better. You deserve real love, genuine apologies, emotional consistency, loyalty, and respect. These are not things you should have to beg for. They are the foundation of a healthy relationship.
Healing from a narcissistic relationship takes time, but the first step is accepting the truth. You cannot change them, but you can change how you respond. Here is how:
✔ Set firm boundaries – Stop letting them manipulate and control you. If they cannot respect your boundaries, they do not deserve access to you.
✔ Stop seeking their validation – You do not need their approval to know your worth.
✔ Detach emotionally – Recognize their behavior for what it is and stop taking it personally.
✔ Surround yourself with genuine love – Seek support from people who truly care about you.
✔ Consider going no contact – If possible, cutting ties completely may be the best way to protect yourself.
You cannot win with a narcissist because the game is rigged. But you can walk away, heal, and find the love and respect you truly deserve.
Final Thoughts
Narcissists are experts at giving just enough to keep you hoping for more. But the truth is, they will never give you what you need because they are incapable of it.
They cannot love in a healthy way.
They cannot take responsibility for their actions.
They cannot be consistent.
They cannot be loyal.
They cannot truly respect you.
Accepting this truth is painful, but it is also liberating. Once you stop expecting things a narcissist will never give you, you can break free from their hold and start focusing on what truly matters—yourself and your happiness.