Texting is a modern-day window into someone’s personality, and when dealing with a narcissist, that window can feel more like a funhouse mirror—distorted, confusing, and sometimes even a little manipulative.
If you’ve ever received a text that made you pause and think, “Wait… is this normal?” you’re not alone. Narcissists have a way of twisting words, dodging responsibility, and keeping you on edge with their messages.
So, how can you tell if you’re texting a narcissist? Here are 12 text messages that scream ‘RUN!’—plus what they really mean.
1. “You’re overreacting.”
Translation: I’m dismissing your feelings because taking responsibility is not on my to-do list.
This is classic gaslighting. A narcissist uses it to make you doubt yourself, your emotions, and even your sanity. If you express a valid concern and they hit you with “You’re overreacting,” that’s a huge red flag.
Pro Tip: Trust your feelings. If something bothers you, it’s valid—period.
2. “Wow. After everything I’ve done for you?”
Translation: I did something nice once, so now you owe me eternal gratitude.
Narcissists love keeping score. They’ll remind you of every favor they’ve done (real or exaggerated) to guilt-trip you into compliance. A healthy person helps because they care—a narcissist helps because they expect control in return.
Pro Tip: If someone’s kindness feels like a debt, it’s manipulation, not generosity.
3. “I guess I’m just a terrible person then.”
Translation: I’m playing the victim so you’ll stop being mad at me.
This is a classic pity play. Instead of addressing the actual issue, the narcissist makes it about their wounded ego. Suddenly, you’re comforting them instead of holding them accountable.
Pro Tip: Don’t fall for it. If every argument turns into you reassuring them, you’re being manipulated.
4. “You’re too sensitive.”
Translation: I refuse to take responsibility, so I’ll blame your emotions instead.
This is another form of gaslighting, making you feel like the problem instead of addressing the issue. It’s a tactic designed to make you second-guess yourself and lower your standards for how you should be treated.
Pro Tip: You’re not too sensitive. You’re just dealing with someone who doesn’t respect your emotions.
5. “I was just joking. Don’t be so serious.”
Translation: I was being mean, but now I’m pretending it was a joke so I don’t have to apologize.
Narcissists love using sarcasm and cruel humor as a cover for their insults. If they say something hurtful and then backpedal with “It was just a joke,” they’re testing your boundaries.
Pro Tip: If their jokes always make you feel bad, they’re not jokes—they’re passive-aggressive digs.
6. “I’m really busy. I’ll text when I can.”
Translation: I want to control the pace of this relationship and keep you waiting.
This message isn’t just about being busy—it’s about power. Narcissists love making you feel like you’re at the bottom of their priority list. The more you wait for them, the more control they have.
Pro Tip: If someone always makes you feel like an afterthought, believe them.
7. “Why can’t you just let things go?”
Translation: I don’t want to deal with the consequences of my actions.
Narcissists hate accountability. If you bring up an issue, they’ll act like you’re holding a grudge instead of expressing a valid concern. They want you to drop it—not because they care about your peace, but because they don’t want to take responsibility.
Pro Tip: A real apology is followed by changed behavior. If they keep repeating the same mistakes, they’re not sorry.
8. “You’re lucky I put up with you.”
Translation: I want you to feel unworthy so you won’t leave me.
This is pure emotional manipulation. By making you feel like you’re difficult or hard to love, a narcissist keeps you trapped in self-doubt—which makes you easier to control.
Pro Tip: Love shouldn’t feel like a favor someone is doing for you.
9. “Everyone else thinks I’m right.”
Translation: I need imaginary backup because I know I’m wrong.
Narcissists love playing the majority card. They’ll claim that “everyone” agrees with them to make you feel isolated. Spoiler alert: They rarely have actual backup.
Pro Tip: If someone constantly needs an invisible fan club to justify their actions, that’s a major red flag.
10. “I don’t have time for this drama.”
Translation: I caused the drama, but I don’t want to deal with it.
Narcissists will provoke chaos and then act like they’re too mature to engage in it. This is their way of shutting down conversations and making you feel like you’re the problem.
Pro Tip: If someone calls your concerns “drama,” they’re just trying to dodge accountability.
11. “I don’t remember saying that.”
Translation: I absolutely said that, but I don’t want to admit it.
This is textbook gaslighting. Narcissists will deny, rewrite, or twist reality to make you question yourself. If you have receipts (like actual texts), they’ll still try to wiggle out of responsibility.
Pro Tip: Keep the receipts, but more importantly—keep your boundaries.
12. “If you really loved me, you’d do this.”
Translation: I’m using love as a weapon to get what I want.
This is one of the most toxic manipulation tactics. Real love doesn’t come with ultimatums, guilt-trips, or tests. If someone constantly ties your love to conditions, they’re controlling you—not loving you.
Pro Tip: Real love is given freely. If someone is using it as a bargaining chip, that’s not love—it’s manipulation.
Final Takeaway: Listen to the Subtext
Narcissists don’t just manipulate with actions—they do it with words, too. The way they text can be subtle, sneaky, and emotionally exhausting. If you find yourself constantly second-guessing, over-explaining, or feeling drained, take a step back.
Healthy communication should make you feel heard, respected, and valued—not like you’re walking on eggshells or trying to crack a hidden code.
So, if you see these texts pop up on your phone, don’t just read them—read between the lines. It might be time to leave that conversation (and maybe that person) on read.