Ever gone on a date with someone who couldn’t stop talking about their “amazing” job, “unbelievable” gym routine, and “perfect” life? You sat there, sipping your coffee, wondering, Is he just confident, or should I run for the hills?

Good question. And an important one too.

Spotting the difference between someone who's simply proud of themselves and a full-blown narcissist can save you from months—or even years—of frustration, confusion, and emotional burnout. But don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. By the end of this guide, you’ll know exactly what to look out for. And you’ll be able to tell if he’s just a little self-absorbed or if you’re dealing with someone who thinks the sun literally rises and sets because of him.

Ready? Let’s dive in.

1. Listen to How They Talk About Others

The Clue: Narcissists often talk down about other people. Full-of-themselves types might brag, but they’re less likely to tear others apart.

Example: If he casually calls his ex “crazy” and his boss “an idiot,” pay attention. If everyone around him is “jealous,” “dumb,” or “out to get him,” that’s a red flag the size of Texas.

Pro Tip: Healthy confidence doesn’t require stepping on others. If he can compliment others without losing his sparkle, that’s a good sign.

2. Watch How They Handle Criticism

The Clue: Narcissists hate criticism. Even the mildest feedback can cause a full-blown meltdown or cold silence.

Storytime: My friend Sara once told a guy she was dating that she preferred a different restaurant to the one he picked. He didn’t talk to her for three days. Yikes.

Pro Tip: A confident person might brush off minor critiques or laugh at themselves. A narcissist? Expect drama.

3. Notice Their Empathy Levels

The Clue: Narcissists have little to no empathy. Full-of-themselves folks might be a bit clueless sometimes, but they’ll usually show they care if it’s pointed out.

Example: You mention you’re sick. A confident but kind guy says, “Oh no, that sucks. Need anything?” A narcissist might say, “Ugh, I hate when people get sick. It’s so inconvenient for me.”

Pro Tip: When in doubt, watch how they treat waitstaff, pets, or kids. It’s pretty revealing.

4. Pay Attention to How Often They Say “I” and “Me”

The Clue: Narcissists can't stop talking about themselves. Confident people might share their achievements but will also want to hear about you.

Example: If he spends 45 minutes describing his gym routine, stocks portfolio, and vacation plans without asking a single question about you, it’s a hint.

Pro Tip: Play a little game. Count how long it takes him to ask you a question. If you’re still waiting by dessert, well…

5. See How They React to Other People’s Success

The Clue: Narcissists get jealous and dismissive when others succeed. Confident people can celebrate others' wins.

Example: Your brother gets a promotion. A confident guy says, “That’s awesome! Good for him.” A narcissist might say, “Well, that company promotes anyone these days.”

Pro Tip: If they can genuinely be happy for someone else, it shows healthy self-esteem.

6. Are They Always the Victim?

The Clue: Narcissists love playing the victim. Life is always unfair to them.

Storytime: I dated a guy who, according to him, had the world’s worst luck. His teachers “hated” him, his boss “sabotaged” him, and all his exes “wronged” him. Turns out, the only common factor in all those disasters was…him.

Pro Tip: Everyone faces tough times, but constant victimhood is not a good sign.

7. Do They Love Bomb You?

The Clue: Narcissists often shower you with intense attention at first—texts, gifts, declarations of love—only to turn cold later.

Example: If a guy tells you you’re “the most amazing woman he’s ever met” after two dates…umm, maybe slow your roll.

Pro Tip: Real connections build slowly. Instant fireworks can sometimes be more like a dumpster fire.

8. Do They Respect Your Boundaries?

The Clue: Narcissists ignore or push past your boundaries. Confident people respect them.

Example: You say you need a night to yourself. He shows up anyway, “because he missed you.”

Pro Tip: Saying no should never feel like a crime.

9. How’s Their Sense of Humor?

The Clue: Narcissists often make jokes at others’ expense and can’t take a joke about themselves.

Example: If he dishes it out but sulks when you playfully tease him back, that’s telling.

Pro Tip: A good sense of humor is about sharing laughs, not making others the punchline.

10. Is Everything About Winning?

The Clue: Narcissists treat relationships like competitions.

Example: You mention you ran a 5K. He immediately tells you about the time he ran a marathon—barefoot—in a snowstorm.

Pro Tip: Life’s not a scoreboard. And dating definitely isn’t.

11. Are They Genuine or Performative?

The Clue: Narcissists often “perform” kindness when it benefits them.

Example: He’s super sweet when your friends are around but dismissive when it’s just the two of you.

Pro Tip: Watch for consistency. Real kindness isn’t just for show.

12. Do They Gaslight You?

The Clue: Narcissists make you doubt your own reality.

Example: You catch him flirting with someone else. He tells you you’re “crazy” and “imagining things.”

Pro Tip: Trust your gut. If you feel confused all the time, it’s not you—it’s him.

13. Are They Interested in Your Interests?

The Clue: Narcissists rarely show real interest in what you love.

Example: You geek out about your new art project, and he yawns and changes the subject to his latest business idea.

Pro Tip: You deserve someone who’s at least curious about what makes you happy.

14. How Do They Handle Disagreements?

The Clue: Narcissists must win arguments. They can’t agree to disagree.

Storytime: My cousin once argued for 20 minutes with her boyfriend about what color the couch was. (It was beige. It’s always beige.)

Pro Tip: Healthy partners are more interested in understanding than “winning.”

15. Do They Make You Feel Special or Small?

The Clue: Narcissists tear you down to build themselves up.

Example: Compliments are rare, but criticisms are plenty. Or they give “compliments” like, “You look good for someone your age.”

Pro Tip: If being around them makes you feel drained or insecure, listen to that feeling.

16. Are They Future-Fakers?

The Clue: Narcissists often make big promises early on with no intention of keeping them.

Example: Planning a trip to Bali after two dates…but can’t commit to dinner next Friday.

Pro Tip: Look for actions, not just words.

17. How’s Their Relationship with Their Family?

The Clue: Narcissists often have stormy family relationships—or no relationships at all.

Example: If every family story sounds like a war story, take note.

Pro Tip: Nobody’s family is perfect, but some basic warmth should be there.

18. Are They Always Right?

The Clue: Narcissists have to be right. About everything. Always.

Example: You say the sky looks nice at sunset, and he corrects you on the scientific reason the sky changes colors.

Pro Tip: Smart people don’t need to prove it constantly.

19. Do They Disappear When Things Get Real?

The Clue: Narcissists often vanish when emotions get too real—or when you need support.

Example: You’re going through a rough patch. Instead of being there, he “needs space.”

Pro Tip: Real partners lean in during tough times.

20. How Do They Make You Feel Overall?

The Ultimate Clue: Narcissists leave you feeling confused, exhausted, and unsure of yourself.

Example: You spend hours replaying conversations in your head, wondering what you did wrong.

Pro Tip: Confidence in a relationship feels calm, safe, and warm—not like a constant mind game.

Final Thoughts: Trust Yourself

At the end of the day, the real expert on the situation is you.

If someone makes you feel valued, heard, and safe, chances are they’re just a little full of themselves—and honestly, we all have our moments. But if someone constantly leaves you feeling drained, anxious, and doubting your own worth, it’s time to step back and reassess.

You deserve someone who can celebrate their own success and yours. Someone who listens, respects, and genuinely enjoys getting to know you—not just hearing themselves talk.

So go ahead. Trust your gut, set your boundaries, and remember: real confidence is about lifting people up, not pushing them down.

And if you ever find yourself wondering again, just come back to this guide. You’ve got this.