You know that feeling when you finish a really bad book and wonder why you stuck with it for so long? That's exactly what it felt like closing the chapter with a narcissist. For anyone who's ever loved, trusted, and gotten completely wrung out by someone who thinks the sun rises and sets because of them—this one’s for you.
Getting out of a relationship with a narcissist isn't like a clean break. It's more like trying to peel off a stubborn sticker—one that leaves residue for months no matter how hard you scrub. But here’s the good news: peace is possible. And trust me, it’s the best kind of peace. The kind where you can hear your own thoughts again without someone critiquing your every move.
Today, I'm sharing everything that helped me finally close that exhausting, chaotic, hair-pulling chapter of my life—and how you can too.
1. I Stopped Waiting for Closure
If you’re sitting by the phone waiting for them to apologize or confess their wrongdoings, pull up a chair—you’ll be waiting forever. Narcissists rarely, if ever, admit fault. Once I realized that closure isn’t something they give you, it’s something you give yourself, I felt free. Write yourself a letter if you have to. Burn it. Rip it up. Make it dramatic. Give yourself the ending you deserve.
2. I Blocked Them Everywhere
Phone, email, social media, even their second cousin's dog's Instagram. It sounds extreme, but peace demands boundaries. The fewer windows they have into your life, the fewer chances they have to sneak back in with a “Hey stranger” text. I learned the hard way that narcissists don’t believe in “boundaries” unless they’re the ones setting them.
3. I Unfollowed Their Flying Monkeys
Flying monkeys are those friends or family members who report back to the narcissist or subtly guilt-trip you into going back. I had to quietly and kindly remove some people from my orbit. It felt weird at first, but honestly, it’s hard to heal with people around you whispering, “Maybe they’ve changed.”
4. I Threw a ‘Good Riddance' Party
Not even kidding. I invited my closest friends, wore a sparkly dress, and toasted to my own survival. We made jokes about the ridiculous things my ex used to say (“You’re lucky to even know me”) and ate way too much cake. Laughter really is medicine.
5. I Stopped Stalking Their Social Media
At first, I checked their profiles like it was a full-time job. What are they doing? Who are they with? Do they look happy? Spoiler alert: even if they look like they're living their best life, it’s curated for show. I realized stalking only kept me tied to them. The best thing I did? I unfollowed and refocused on my own feed—full of memes, puppies, and travel dreams.
6. I Journaled Every Cringe Moment
Whenever I romanticized the relationship (because memory is a liar sometimes), I wrote down every terrible thing they said or did. Like the time they blamed me for their forgotten birthday gift. Or when they started a fight because I dared to have a different opinion about pizza toppings. Having it all in black and white helped me stay grounded in reality.
7. I Got Really Honest with Myself
It’s easy to blame the narcissist for everything (and don’t get me wrong, they earned it), but I also had to ask: Why did I ignore the red flags? Why did I stay so long? Being honest with myself wasn’t about blame—it was about growth. Spoiler: future me is a LOT better at spotting trouble early.
8. I Made a ‘No Contact' Pact with a Friend
I picked a ride-or-die friend and said, “If I even think about texting them, call the authorities.” Joking, but not really. Having someone to be accountable to made all the difference. They became my personal “bad idea” bouncer.
9. I Started Dating Myself
Ever take yourself out to dinner? To the movies? On a solo weekend getaway? Highly recommend. I treated myself the way I wanted to be treated—flowers, compliments, all of it. Turns out, I’m excellent company.
10. I Stopped Explaining Myself
One thing about narcissists: they love an audience. They thrive on drama and confusion. I used to waste hours explaining why I was done, hoping they'd finally get it. Newsflash: they don’t want to get it. I gave myself permission to exit quietly, without the monologue.
11. I Got Therapy (and It Wasn’t Scary)
At first, therapy felt intimidating. Would they think I was weak? Nope. Turns out, talking to someone who actually listened without twisting my words was like finding water in the desert. A good therapist can help you spot patterns, heal old wounds, and get you back to yourself faster.
12. I Learned About Narcissism (Without Getting Obsessed)
Knowledge is power—but too much Googling can turn you into a detective instead of a healer. I educated myself enough to understand what had happened without spiraling into “diagnose-everyone-I-meet” mode.
13. I Practiced Saying ‘No'
Even tiny nos. No to an extra shift. No to going to a party I didn’t want to. No to favors that drained me. Rebuilding your sense of self means remembering you have a right to choose where your energy goes. Saying no without guilt? That’s pure gold.
14. I Celebrated Small Wins
Got through a day without thinking about them? Win. Didn't text back when they tried to bait me? Win. Cooked a meal without crying into it? Huge win. Healing isn’t one big “ta-da” moment—it’s a bunch of small victories stacked on top of each other.
15. I Let Myself Be Mad
For a while, I thought anger was bad. That “good people” don’t get angry. Spoiler: they do. Anger is actually a sign that your boundaries were violated. So, I let myself punch pillows, scream into my car steering wheel, and vent to friends. Anger, when processed right, can be fuel for moving forward.
16. I Rebuilt My Confidence Brick by Brick
After being with someone who treated me like I was lucky just to be around them, my self-esteem needed major renovation. I started small: learned a new hobby, completed little goals, dressed up even when I had nowhere to go. Confidence isn’t something you wake up with—it’s something you build.
17. I Gave Myself Time
In a world that loves a quick fix, healing from a narcissist is more like slow cooking than microwaving. Some days were two steps forward, five steps back. But every day away from the chaos was a step toward peace.
18. I Laughed… A Lot
At myself, at old memories, at how ridiculous things got sometimes. Humor isn’t just a coping mechanism—it’s a survival skill. If you can laugh about the time they picked a fight because you dared to sneeze during their story… you’re healing.
19. I Made New Memories
I filled my life with new people, new experiences, new places. It’s hard to move on when your life still looks and feels the same. A new café, a different walking route, even rearranging my furniture helped break the pattern.
20. I Forgave Myself
For not leaving sooner. For believing their lies. For losing parts of myself along the way. Forgiveness isn’t about saying what happened was okay. It’s about deciding you’re not going to carry the shame anymore.
Final Thoughts: Your Story Isn’t Over
Getting peace after a narcissist isn’t a straight path. It’s messy, slow, and sometimes ridiculously hard. But let me tell you—it’s also beautiful. Every time you choose yourself, set a boundary, laugh again, or dream bigger, you are writing a new chapter. One where you are the hero, not the supporting character in someone else’s drama.
You deserve the kind of peace that feels boring in the best way. The kind that doesn’t have you checking your phone with a racing heart. The kind that feels like home.
So if you're still in the thick of it, take heart. Peace is waiting for you—and trust me, it’s worth every step you take to get there.
Here’s to closing chapters… and writing way better ones.