If you’ve ever tried to stand up to a narcissist, you may have noticed something strange—suddenly, people around you start turning against you. Friends, family members, coworkers—people you thought were neutral or even on your side—begin defending the narcissist, questioning your feelings, or even attacking you.
These people are called flying monkeys—a term borrowed from The Wizard of Oz, where the Wicked Witch’s winged minions carried out her dirty work. In the world of narcissistic abuse, flying monkeys are the narcissist’s enablers, defenders, and messengers of manipulation. Whether they realize it or not, they help the narcissist maintain control over their victim.
So, who are these flying monkeys, why do they do the narcissist’s bidding, and—most importantly—how do you protect yourself from them? Let’s expose the truth about the narcissist’s secret army and learn how to fight back.
Who Are the Narcissist’s Flying Monkeys?
Flying monkeys aren’t always bad people. In fact, many of them don’t even realize they’re being used. They can be:
- Family members who believe the narcissist’s sob story and pressure you to “forgive and forget.”
- Mutual friends who spread gossip or guilt-trip you into making peace with the narcissist.
- Coworkers who take the narcissist’s side and isolate you in the office.
- Social media acquaintances who publicly shame you for calling out the narcissist’s behavior.
- New romantic partners the narcissist recruits to help smear your reputation.
The narcissist cleverly manipulates these people, using lies, charm, or guilt to convince them that they are the real victim and that you’re the problem.
How the Narcissist Uses Flying Monkeys
Narcissists use flying monkeys to:
1. Spread Smear Campaigns
“I heard [your name] has been acting crazy lately. It’s so sad.”
A narcissist will tell a twisted version of events to paint themselves as the innocent victim and you as the villain. Then, they send their flying monkeys to spread the story. Before you know it, your reputation is under attack.
How to handle it:
- Stay calm and don’t engage in drama.
- Keep records of any lies being spread.
- Maintain your dignity—eventually, the truth will come out.
2. Guilt-Trip You into Compliance
“They’re really hurt by what you did. Can’t you just talk to them?”
When you try to set boundaries, flying monkeys swoop in with guilt and emotional pressure. They make you feel like you’re overreacting, being mean, or breaking up the family.
How to handle it:
- Stand firm in your decision.
- Don’t explain yourself to people who don’t respect your boundaries.
- Say, “This is between me and them. I’d appreciate it if you stayed out of it.”
3. Gather Information on You
“Hey, just checking in! How have you been?”
Some flying monkeys act as spies, pretending to be friendly while secretly reporting back to the narcissist. If you suddenly hear the narcissist knows details about your life that you didn’t share with them—there’s a flying monkey in your midst.
How to handle it:
- Be careful what you share, even with mutual friends.
- Use the “grey rock” method—give boring, vague responses.
- Limit contact with anyone who seems too curious.
4. Pressure You to “Forgive and Forget”
“Life’s too short to hold grudges. You should talk to them.”
A narcissist doesn’t want you to move on and heal, so they send flying monkeys to convince you to sweep everything under the rug. This keeps you in the cycle of abuse.
How to handle it:
- Remind yourself that forgiveness doesn’t mean allowing toxic people back into your life.
- Say, “I’ve chosen to move forward, and that doesn’t include them.”
5. Intimidate or Threaten You
“If you don’t stop talking about them, you’ll regret it.”
Some flying monkeys take a more aggressive approach, trying to bully or threaten you into silence. They may harass you online, spread rumors, or even physically intimidate you.
How to handle it:
- Document everything.
- Block and report threats.
- If necessary, involve authorities for protection.
Why Do People Become Flying Monkeys?
Not all flying monkeys are malicious. Many are manipulated, just like you once were. Here’s why they might side with the narcissist:
- They believe the narcissist’s lies. Narcissists are experts at playing the victim and making others believe their sob stories.
- They fear the narcissist’s wrath. Some people comply simply because they don’t want to become the next target.
- They benefit from the relationship. Whether it’s financial gain, social status, or emotional dependence, some flying monkeys stick around because they get something out of it.
- They enjoy the drama. Let’s be honest—some people love gossip and chaos. Narcissists give them front-row seats to the show.
How to Protect Yourself from Flying Monkeys
1. Set Strong Boundaries
Not everyone deserves access to your life. If someone constantly pushes the narcissist’s agenda, limit contact or cut them off completely.
2. Don’t Take It Personally
Flying monkeys are not a reflection of your worth. Their actions are about their own insecurities, not you.
3. Control Your Narrative
When a smear campaign starts, stay calm and don’t engage in the drama. Let your actions and integrity speak for themselves.
4. Identify the “Fake Friends”
Some flying monkeys will pretend to be neutral but secretly report back to the narcissist. If someone is always fishing for information, be cautious.
5. Use the Grey Rock Method
When dealing with flying monkeys, keep your responses boring, vague, and emotionless. If you don’t give them fuel, they’ll eventually lose interest.
6. Find Your True Support System
Surround yourself with people who see the truth and genuinely support you. Build a community of friends, family, or even a therapist who understands narcissistic abuse.
7. Block and Move On
Some people will never change. If someone refuses to respect your boundaries, block them, cut ties, and focus on healing.
Final Thoughts: You Are Not Alone
The narcissist may have an army, but guess what? You have something stronger—knowledge, self-respect, and the power to walk away.
Flying monkeys thrive on drama and manipulation, but you don’t have to play their game. The best revenge? Living well, healing, and surrounding yourself with people who truly care about you.
So, stand your ground, protect your peace, and remember: You don’t owe anyone access to your life just because they demand it.