Got a girl you really like?
You’re probably at the tricky stage where you’re wondering how often you should text her.
It’s definitely a problematic stage. On the one hand, you could text her too much, in which case you appear needy and she loses all attraction for you.
Or, on the other hand, you could text her too little so that she basically friend zones you.
Ideally, you want to text her just enough to create sexual tension and attraction, and to make her yearn for you. You don’t want to go overboard, but neither do you want to go Missing In Action.
You want to text her optimally so that each time her phone rings, she’s desperate for it to be a text from YOU.
Naturally, getting the balance isn’t easy. However, this article will help you understand much more about how often you should text a girl to keep her interested.
Don’t Text Everyday
Not texting everyday isn’t the same as going missing in action.
Instead, it’s simply keeping her on her toes so that she doesn’t quite know what to expect (see above).
It also ensures that she misses you.
Think of it: If you texted her all day everyday, how ever will she get a chance to miss you?
Girls need that chance to miss you. If they don’t get it, their attraction for us simply won’t grow. It’s in those moments when you’re not there and she’s missing you that she processes her feelings for you and realizes she wants to hear from you.
And when the next day comes along and you finally text her, she will LOVE it.
Be Unpredictable With Your Texts Timing
When I was first crushing on someone and wondering how often I should text them, I remember reading advice that said I should be consistent.
The advice given was that I should text her at pretty much the same time each day. If I usually say good morning, I should keep saying good morning. If I usually text during my break at work, I should keep texting her during my break at work.
The problem is that consistency is predictable. And when you’re just getting to know a girl, it’s the unpredictability that makes you attractive.
Because unpredictability is exciting. Instead of her receiving a text from you exactly when she expects it, she instead receives one from you when she least expects it. Her heart flutters, and she is super happy. She can’t wait to see what you’ve said.
Moreover, unpredictability creates mystery. She has to second guess where you are and what you’re up to, and she has to ask herself, “why isn’t he texting? Does he like me or not?”
When your texts are consistent and the girl knows what to expect, she can more easily guess whether you like her or not. And I know it sounds funny, but this sort of thing can actually make her lose interest because she is hard-wired to crave unpredictability.
She wants to keep guessing your intentions. It’s all part of the fun of getting to know someone while the sexual tension builds.
Give Her Time And Space When She Is Busy
As well as giving her time and space in order to miss you, it’s also really important that you give her time and space when she says she’s busy.
Indeed, if a girl says “I’m busy today,” or words to that effect, (such as, “I’ve got a lot of stuff to do today so might not be able to talk much”) LISTEN to her and behave appropriately.
In other words, if you must text her, leave it a few hours and then only keep things brief and light.
For instance, you could send her a GIF or something otherwise funny. Or you could simply ask how her day is going. She won’t mind that sort of thing at all!
Should you totally ignore her all day if she’s busy?
I wouldn’t. I would leave it a few hours and then do the above ^ in order to keep her interested.
Of course, she might even text you first. In which case, keep your replies brief and don’t try to initiate a lengthy conversation. Remember, she is busy!
End Your Conversations Early
There are some guys who will literally do anything they can to prolong a conversation and keep a girl talking for as long as possible.
Even when the conversation is clearly dying, they will come up with something to say.
Now, there’s no real science behind this. Some girls really appreciate it when a guy is willing to talk to them all day long. But the thing is that this is generally only true during the early stages of a relationship. Eventually, guys who are clearly outstaying their welcome for hours on end become routine, boring – and kinda annoying.
It’s much better that you do two things: Make the conversation interesting. And exit it early so that you leave her wanting more.
Ideally, you want to get to the point where she is saying things like, “I hate when you have to go.”
It shows that she’s enjoying the conversation, but it also shows that you’re not giving her everything all in one go. You’re saving something for later, making her miss you and want you more.
In other words, you’re keeping her interested.
Naturally, you don’t want to make a habit of always disappearing because she will just get frustrated. But you have to show her that there’s more to your life than just her and that you have a purpose. Girls love that.
Don’t Reply Straight Away
One of the biggest mistakes you can make when it comes to the early stages of connecting with a girl is replying to her texts straight away.
I mean, I get why you would always reply straight away.
“It’s because it’s the right thing to do. I don’t wanna be mean.”
But taking your time to reply to her texts isn’t mean – it’s just the best thing to do if you want to keep her interested.
Because you don’t want to be too available.
If you’re literally on-demand whenever she texts you, she will soon see you as being a) The Reliable Friend who she can talk to you about anything (in which case, she might friend zone you) and b) someone who doesn’t have a purpose except her.
And that’s not cool.
Moreover, what happens if she takes a few hours to reply to you, but you reply instantly when she eventually replies?
It makes you look a tad needy.
See, while I girl might think she wants you to always be available for her, it’s actually a turn-off when a guy is always there and clearly hasn’t got much going on in his life besides her.
So how long should you take to reply?
There’s no fixed rule for this. What’s more important is that you don’t always reply straight away.
I suggest you try to reply at her pace. If she takes her time to reply, you should take your time. If she occasionally replies quickly, you should reply quickly a few times.
Mix things up. Keep her guessing. Don’t be too available.
Don’t Send a Follow Up Text
If there’s one thing that can really spoil how a girl feels about you, it’s following up.
You know how it goes – you send her a message in the morning and by the afternoon she still hasn’t replied.
So you send her another message asking “how’s it going?”
This irks her. Maybe she replies to it but she’s a little bit irked because you’re kinda looking a tad needy here.
Moreover, you’re not being mysterious and you’re not demonstrating that you’ve got much going on in your life other than talking to her.
Do follow-up texts ever work?
Naturally, if it’s been 3 days and you haven’t heard from her you could ask how she’s doing. But that’s really the only time you should do it. Otherwise, you just have to wait it out and get on with your purpose. She’ll appreciate it and her interest in you will grow.
As unfortunate as it is, keeping a girl interested in the modern age means fine-tuning your texting game so that you don’t text her too much or too little.
Use these conversation tips to get the balance right. Don’t be too available, don’t be too consistent and don’t hassle her when she’s busy. Instead, create a bit of mystery by being unpredictable. Make her wonder where you are and what you’re up to – it’s the best way to keep her interested.