Breakups are tough. Whether you’ve been together for months, years, or just a few weeks, the aftermath can leave you with a lot of unanswered questions. One of the most common ones? “Is my ex over me, or are they just mad?” It's a question that can drive you crazy, and it’s something that many people struggle with after a breakup. Fortunately, you're not alone in this!
In this article, we’re diving into how to figure out whether your ex is truly over you or if their behavior is a result of lingering anger. We’ll break it all down with 15 practical tips and real-life examples to help you navigate this tricky situation and maybe even find some closure.
1. Their Communication Style Says a Lot
One of the clearest signs that your ex might be mad rather than over you is how they communicate with you after the breakup. Are they texting you short, curt responses, or do they ignore you completely? That could indicate unresolved anger. On the flip side, if they’re responding to you with casual, nonchalant messages, they might just be trying to move on without the emotional baggage.
Tip: If your ex is short or dismissive with you, it could mean they’re still mad. If their messages are more friendly or neutral, they’re likely moving on.
2. Do They Constantly Check Up on You?
If your ex seems to be keeping tabs on you—whether through social media, mutual friends, or other means—it could be a sign that they aren’t completely over you. However, if they're just mad, they might check up on you to see how you're handling the breakup, hoping to catch you “slipping” or still mourning the relationship.
Pro Tip: A little social media stalking can be expected right after a breakup, but if they’re still actively engaging with your posts or asking friends about you weeks later, they may still have unresolved feelings.
3. The Mixed Signals Game
It’s not unusual for exes to send mixed signals, especially when emotions are running high. One minute they’re texting you like they did when you were together, and the next, they’re distant or even rude. Mixed signals often indicate confusion—your ex may still be mad but unsure about letting go completely.
Example: Imagine you text them something lighthearted, and they reply immediately with a playful comment. The next day, when you ask about a mutual friend, they barely acknowledge your message. Classic mixed signals.
4. Are They Quick to Argue?
An ex who is still angry will likely be quick to snap at you or argue. If every conversation turns into a debate or a fight, it’s a sign they’re not fully over the relationship yet. But if the conversations are calm and civil, even if they’re a little awkward, they might be genuinely moving on.
Tip: Pay attention to whether your interactions are emotionally charged. A calm, mature discussion indicates moving on, while constant bickering points to unresolved emotions.
5. Is They Trying to Make You Jealous?
Another telltale sign that your ex might still be mad rather than over you is if they seem to be flaunting a new relationship or casually bringing up someone else to get under your skin. If they're trying to make you jealous, it could be because they’re not quite ready to let go.
Real-Life Story: Sarah’s ex started posting photos with a new girl within days of their breakup. While it seemed like he was moving on, Sarah later found out it was just an attempt to make her jealous after their argument about something trivial.
6. The “Accidental” Text or Call
Sometimes, people who are angry don’t know how to properly communicate their feelings. So, they might send a text or make a call to you that’s meant to be about something trivial, but underneath, there’s a lot of pent-up emotion.
Example: If your ex reaches out with a message like, “I need that hoodie back,” but the conversation takes an emotional turn or starts spiraling, it could be more about unfinished business than clothing.
7. How Do They Act in Public?
If you run into your ex in public and they seem super chill—maybe even go out of their way to chat with you or make small talk—it could be a sign they’ve truly moved on. But if they seem angry or cold, refusing to acknowledge you, they’re likely still harboring some bad feelings.
Pro Tip: It’s normal for someone to feel a bit awkward or emotional in a public setting right after a breakup, but if they’re being openly rude or dismissive, it’s a clear sign of lingering anger.
8. Have They Moved On, or Are They Just Dating for the Sake of It?
Your ex might have started dating someone new, but that doesn’t automatically mean they’re over you. If their new relationship feels rushed or surface-level, they might just be trying to move on in a hurry out of frustration or anger.
Tip: Take note of the timeline. If your ex jumped into a relationship too quickly after your breakup, they could be trying to distract themselves from the pain or anger they’re feeling.
9. Do They Still Reach Out for “Closure”?
An ex who’s angry might reach out repeatedly asking for “closure” or to talk about what went wrong. While closure can be an important part of moving on, repeated attempts to rehash old arguments or wounds typically indicate that your ex isn’t done processing their feelings.
Pro Tip: A few conversations about the breakup are normal, but if it feels like a never-ending cycle of the same conversation, your ex is probably still mad.
10. Are They Focused on What Went Wrong?
If your ex is constantly bringing up the negatives in your relationship, like your mistakes or things that upset them, it’s usually a sign they’re still holding on to their anger. Someone who’s truly over you will have processed the relationship, and while they might remember the bad stuff, they won’t dwell on it.
11. Is They Trying to “Win” the Breakup?
An ex who is still emotionally invested might try to “win” the breakup by showing they’re doing better than you. They may exaggerate their social life or downplay the breakup as if it didn’t affect them at all.
Example: After their breakup with Tom, Emily noticed her ex constantly posted pictures of him with a big group of friends. Emily realized it wasn’t about moving on—it was about proving he wasn’t fazed by the breakup.
12. Do They Still Care About Your Life?
If your ex frequently asks about your life or makes a point to comment on your activities, it’s a sign they’re not completely over you. If they’re just mad, they might keep their distance, avoiding any form of engagement.
Real-Life Story: Julie’s ex would ask her mutual friends about her new job and hobbies, even though they hadn’t spoken directly in weeks. This subtle interest showed he was still emotionally invested.
13. Do They Mention Your Relationship Often?
If your ex keeps bringing up your time together in conversations, whether positive or negative, they may not have fully let go. Someone who’s over a relationship typically doesn’t feel the need to rehash old memories frequently.
Pro Tip: If your ex frequently reminisces or critiques your relationship, it’s likely a sign that they’re not done processing their feelings.
14. Are They Acting Like a Different Person?
If your ex starts drastically changing their personality or lifestyle—especially in a way that seems like a reaction to the breakup—it might be because they’re angry and trying to find a way to deal with the loss. On the other hand, someone who’s genuinely over you will typically adjust gradually without trying to prove anything.
15. Do They Show Signs of Regret?
Sometimes, a truly over ex will express regret in a more gentle, reflective way. If your ex is regretful, they might apologize for their role in the breakup without being overly emotional or dramatic.
Pro Tip: A calm, sincere apology is a sign they’ve moved on emotionally. If they are regretful in an angry or blameful way, it’s a sign of lingering resentment.
Conclusion: Moving Forward With Clarity
It’s totally normal to wonder whether your ex is over you or still harboring anger. Breakups bring out a lot of emotions, and understanding whether your ex is mad or over you can help you make sense of the situation. The key takeaway here? Pay attention to how they behave, what they say, and how they interact with you.
At the end of the day, you deserve to be with someone who can fully move on or loves you without the baggage. So take a deep breath, trust yourself, and know that no matter the situation with your ex, you’re better off focusing on your own growth and happiness. Move forward with confidence—you’ve got this!