Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling like you barely spoke, yet the other person had an entire monologue about themselves? Do you know someone who constantly steers every discussion back to their own life, stories, and achievements? If yes, you might be dealing with a conversational narcissist.
Conversational narcissism is a term coined by sociologist Charles Derber, referring to a pattern where one person dominates discussions by making everything about themselves. While it’s normal to share personal experiences in conversations, a conversational narcissist takes it to another level. They hijack discussions, overshadow others, and show little genuine interest in what anyone else has to say.
So, how do you spot one? Here are five telltale signs of a conversational narcissist.
1. The ‘Me-Too' Syndrome: They Always Bring It Back to Themselves
Imagine you're telling a friend about a difficult week at work. Before you even finish your sentence, they jump in:
“Oh, I totally get it! My boss is way worse than yours. Just last week, I had to handle three major projects on my own! It was insane!”
Sound familiar? Instead of listening and offering support, they instantly shift the conversation to their own experiences. This is known as the “Me-Too” syndrome. Rather than engaging with your story, they use it as a launchpad to talk about themselves.
A healthy conversation involves mutual sharing, where both people feel heard. But with a conversational narcissist, your stories only serve as background noise before they redirect everything to their own narrative.
2. The One-Up Game: No Matter What You Say, They’ve Done It Bigger and Better
Let’s say you just returned from a trip to the mountains and are excitedly sharing your experience. Before you can finish, they interrupt:
“Oh, that’s great! But you should have seen the time I climbed the Himalayas! It was way more challenging and rewarding. Your trek sounds nice, though.”
Conversational narcissists are master one-uppers. No matter what you say, they’ll have a bigger, better, or more dramatic version of it. Their goal? To keep the spotlight firmly on themselves.
While friendly competition and enthusiasm are normal, constantly diminishing others' experiences to elevate their own is a classic sign of conversational narcissism. If every story you tell is met with a more impressive version from them, you’re not having a conversation—you’re part of their personal highlight reel.
3. The Interrupter: They Don’t Let You Finish Your Sentences
You start sharing a thought, a feeling, or a story, and suddenly—bam!—they cut you off.
“That reminds me of when I…”
“Oh yeah, I already know about that!”
“Let me just say this real quick!”
Conversational narcissists frequently interrupt because they aren’t really listening. They’re just waiting for a chance to talk. Their mind is racing, ready to insert their next anecdote, opinion, or experience. They see conversations as performances rather than exchanges, and they have to be the star of the show.
While occasional interruptions happen in lively conversations, a chronic interrupter signals someone who values their own voice over yours. If you constantly feel unheard, chances are, you’re dealing with a conversational narcissist.
4. The Spotlight Stealer: They Never Ask About You
You’ve been talking to someone for 30 minutes, and in that time, they’ve told you about their job, their vacation, their kids, their latest hobby, their favorite TV show… but wait—did they even ask how you are?
A key sign of a conversational narcissist is their failure to ask meaningful questions. They don’t show curiosity about your life, struggles, or interests. Instead, they treat conversations as their personal stage.
A good conversation is a two-way street. When someone genuinely cares, they ask questions, follow up, and make you feel valued. But if you realize you’ve spent an entire chat as their audience, it’s clear—they’re more interested in talking than connecting.
5. The Disregarder: They Minimize or Ignore Your Feelings
Perhaps you share something emotional—like struggling with a breakup or dealing with stress. Instead of offering empathy, they brush it off:
“Oh, you think that’s bad? You should hear what I’ve been through.”
“You’re overthinking it. Just move on!”
“At least you don’t have my problems.”
Conversational narcissists struggle with empathy. Instead of acknowledging your feelings, they downplay them or shift the conversation to their own struggles. This dismissiveness can be emotionally draining, making you feel unheard and invalidated.
A good friend or partner listens and supports. But a conversational narcissist? They treat your emotions as an inconvenience unless they can somehow use them to refocus on themselves.
Why Do People Become Conversational Narcissists?
Not all conversational narcissists are intentionally selfish. Sometimes, their behavior stems from deep-seated insecurity, a need for validation, or a habit of seeking attention. Some may not even realize they’re doing it.
However, whether intentional or not, their pattern of dominating conversations can make relationships exhausting and one-sided.
How to Deal With a Conversational Narcissist
1. Redirect the Conversation
If they keep turning things back to themselves, gently steer the conversation back by asking, “That’s interesting! But what do you think about what I just shared?” This can subtly remind them to be more mindful.
2. Set Boundaries
If someone constantly interrupts or overshadows your voice, assert yourself. Say, “Hold on, I wasn’t finished yet,” or “I’d really like to share my perspective, too.” This sets clear expectations for a more balanced dialogue.
3. Limit Your Time With Them
If someone consistently drains your energy and makes conversations feel one-sided, it may be best to limit interactions. Not every relationship is worth the emotional toll.
4. Address It Directly
If you have a close relationship with the person, you might consider having an honest conversation: “I’ve noticed our talks often revolve around you. I’d appreciate it if we could make it more balanced.”
5. Surround Yourself With Better Listeners
A good conversation should leave you feeling heard, understood, and connected. Prioritize relationships with people who value your words as much as their own.
Final Thoughts: Conversations Should Be a Two-Way Street
We all love to share stories, experiences, and perspectives, but when one person constantly dominates, it stops being a conversation and turns into a monologue. Recognizing the signs of conversational narcissism can help you navigate relationships more wisely and ensure that your voice is heard, too.
The next time you find yourself in a conversation, ask yourself—Are they engaging with me, or are they just waiting for their turn to talk? Because conversations should be a dialogue, not a performance.