So, you’ve finally figured it out. That person who made you feel on top of the world one minute and completely invisible the next? The one who twisted your words, played the victim, and somehow always made you feel like the problem? Yeah, turns out, you’ve been dealing with a narcissist.
Now that you see the truth, you might be wondering: What happens next? Do they apologize and change their ways? (Spoiler alert: probably not.) Do they lash out? Try to manipulate you back in? Prepare yourself—because once a narcissist knows you’re onto them, the real game begins.
Let’s break down exactly what to expect and how to handle it like a pro.
1. Denial, Denial, Denial
The first thing a narcissist will do when confronted is deny everything. Expect responses like:
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You’re being ridiculous.”
“You’re imagining things.”
They want to make you question your reality. This is classic gaslighting—one of their favorite tactics. If you feel like you’re losing your mind, it’s not you. It’s them.
How to Handle It:
Stay firm. Keep a journal of incidents to remind yourself what really happened. Trust your gut—if something feels off, it probably is.
2. Playing the Victim
If denial doesn’t work, the narcissist might flip the script. Suddenly, they’re the ones who have been hurt. They’ll tell you sob stories about their past, their tough childhood, or how you have misunderstood them.
They do this to make you feel guilty so you’ll back down. And let’s be real—if you have a kind heart, this might work for a while. But don’t fall for it.
How to Handle It:
Recognize this for what it is—manipulation. You don’t owe them endless second chances just because they have a sad story. Everyone has baggage, but not everyone uses it to mistreat others.
3. Rage and Intimidation
If sweet-talking doesn’t work, brace yourself. Some narcissists will explode in anger when they realize you’re slipping from their control. Expect yelling, threats, or even the infamous silent treatment.
They’ll do whatever it takes to make you feel small, scared, or guilty enough to fall back in line.
How to Handle It:
Stay calm and don’t engage in their drama. If things get aggressive, distance yourself. Block their number, leave the room, or—if needed—seek help from a trusted friend or authority figure.
4. Smear Campaigns
When a narcissist realizes they can’t control you anymore, they might try to control how others see you. Suddenly, they’re telling mutual friends that you’re the crazy one. They’ll twist stories, spread lies, and play the innocent victim.
This can be painful, especially if people believe them.
How to Handle It:
Stay above it. The truth always comes out in the long run. Don’t waste energy defending yourself to people who are determined to misunderstand you. Those who truly know you will see through the lies.
5. Love-Bombing (A.K.A. The Fake Apology)
Right when you think they’re out of your life, they might come back with a grand gesture. Flowers, gifts, heartfelt apologies, long messages about how they’ve changed—whatever it takes to reel you back in.
They’re not actually sorry. They just don’t like losing control.
How to Handle It:
Actions speak louder than words. If they were really changing, you’d see consistent effort, not just grand gestures when they’re desperate. Stay strong and don’t fall for the act.
6. Trying to Make You Jealous
If they can’t get you back with fake love, they might try to make you jealous. You’ll suddenly see them flaunting a new relationship, posting about how happy they are, or bragging about their amazing new life—just to get a reaction from you.
It’s all for show. They want you to feel like you lost something valuable when, in reality, you dodged a bullet.
How to Handle It:
Ignore them. The best revenge? Moving on and living your best life without them.
7. The Silent Treatment
If nothing else works, they may resort to complete silence. This isn’t because they’ve matured—it’s just another tactic to make you feel abandoned or guilty enough to come crawling back.
How to Handle It:
See it for what it is—a last-ditch attempt to control you. Use this silence as a gift to heal and move forward.
8. Testing the Waters
Don’t be surprised if, months or even years later, they pop up again with a casual “Hey, how have you been?” text. They’re just testing to see if they still have access to your life.
How to Handle It:
If you’ve moved on, don’t reopen that door. A simple “Hope you’re doing well” (or no response at all) is enough.
9. Finding a New Target
Once they realize you’re truly done, they’ll likely move on to someone else. It’s sad but true—they’re not looking for love, just control.
How to Handle It:
If you see them doing to someone else what they did to you, it’s tempting to warn them. But unless they ask for help, most people won’t believe it until they experience it themselves. Focus on your own healing.
10. Healing and Moving Forward
Now comes the most important part—reclaiming your peace. You’ve been through a lot, but you’re stronger for it. It’s time to focus on yourself, your happiness, and surrounding yourself with people who truly value and respect you.
Pro Tips for Healing:
- Set clear boundaries with toxic people moving forward.
- Reconnect with healthy relationships that support you.
- Prioritize self-care—therapy, journaling, exercise, or anything that helps you heal.
- Remind yourself: You didn’t lose them. They lost you.
Final Takeaway
When a narcissist knows you’re onto them, expect pushback. But here’s the thing—you’re no longer trapped in their web. You see the truth, and that’s your power.
You don’t need their validation. You don’t need their approval. You don’t need to prove anything to them.
What you do need? To walk away, hold your head high, and live a life so full of joy and freedom that they become nothing more than a distant memory.
You got this.