Your ability to go down on your partner could make or break your relationship. Yes, it’s that important.
Which means it’s really important that you get this right.
Indeed, research has shown that straight women have fewer orgasms than anyone else. This is certainly because straight men (unlike lesbians) simply haven’t mastered the art of knowing exactly what a woman wants between the sheets. But once you master the art of going down on a woman, you can make her wet and increase both your sexual enjoyment.
Of course, some men naturally shy away from going down on a woman. But know this: Your partner wants you to go down on her. Not only does going down on a girl feel intensely pleasurable, but it also shows her that you care about her when you’re having sex. You want her to feel good.
That all said, while going down on a woman isn’t rocket science, it is an art. There are things a woman needs/wants, as well as things a woman doesn’t need/want. If you’re inexperienced or clumsy, your partner will notice immediately – and it will turn her off.
If you’re feeling nervous about going down on a girl right now and want only to leave her feeling satisfied, the good news is that we’ve created an article just for you. In this guide to how to go down on a girl, we’ve been talking to sex experts and women about the art of pleasuring a woman below. By the end of the article, you will be more confident about going down on your partner.
Let’s make a start.
Here's How to Go Down on a Woman:
1. Create The Environment Before You Start
Create a beautiful environment before you go down on a woman.
Clean up your space, set up candles, and make it feel sacred and luscious. Doing this will lower her defense and open up her ability to receive so that she can fully feel your attention.
Women feel an experience through all of their senses, so use that to your advantage.
This is great advice coming from, Cailin McDuff, the host of the top-rated sexuality podcast, Any Way You Want It, where loyal fans tune in regularly for her authentic, fresh, and edgy conversations about sex, relationships, and life.
2. Ask Her What She likes
“If you want to be a master of cunnilingus, there is one simple rule. Ask her what she likes.” – Jessica Graham, sex & relationship coach and author of Good Sex: Getting Off without Checking Out.
Every woman is different.
- Some like lots of clitoral stimulation, and some can only tolerate a small amount.
- Some may absolutely love anal stimulation while receiving head, and others might throw you out of bed for trying that.
- Some enjoy a finger inside or some enjoy two fingers inside pressing on the g-spot, and some don't want any penetration at all.
If you are a very sensitive lover, with lots of tricks up your sleeve, you may be able to sense what works and what doesn't, to a point. But keep in mind that sexual desires and pleasure can change and just because something worked for the first year of a relationship doesn't mean it does now.
Also, most women are quite good at faking it, so it's best to be explicit and simply ask.
If she is uncomfortable with being asked what feels good, this is normal. Most of us didn't learn to communicate about sexual pleasure. It can take time to develop the skill of talking about sex.
You might consider asking her about what she likes when you are not having sex. That can feel a little less vulnerable and make it easier to be open.
Most women have fears about how they smell or taste, as well as how long it takes them to climax. If you want to set your woman's mind and vulva at ease, lift your head up and say this: “You smell amazing. You taste amazing. I could do this for hours.” Then get back down there.
The more relaxed and secure she feels about you going down on her, the more pleasure she will experience.
3. Try Different Tongue Movements
“Try different movements of the tongue to find what she likes. It could be slow and long, or fast and quick. Once that is established you start off slowly and gently as the clitoris is very sensitive with thousands of nerve endings.” – Candice Cooper-Lovett, Ph.D., LMFT, CLC, Sex Therapist.
It can be more of a slow-motion tongue action between all the folds of the inner and outer labia in addition to the clitoris to start and as she gets more aroused you can focus more on the clitoris either using quick flicking licks or long circular licks.
Paying attention to her body language and sounds, let her direct you in what she likes as well. I share with my clients who own vulvas that it's okay to grab their partners by the ears or hair to let them know how they want to be pleased. As well as the partner listening to what she says when communicating and through her moans.
You can try the following movements/motions with your tongue:
- up and down
- clockwise circles
- counterclockwise circles
- side to side
- pulsating in one spot
- wrap your mouth around the clit and lightly suck
When she begins to orgasm do not stop but continue to please her until she says she's finished. Some women may not need an orgasm during oral sex but some may just want the experienced pleasure and the orgasm as the cherry on top.
The clitoris is very sensitive after orgasm so some women may need their partner to take a small break if they want them to continue with performing.
4. Make Use of Your Nose & Fingers
Getting creative and using your fingers while using your mouth can increase the amount of sensation because you're covering more area.
Additionally, you can also use your nose to move up and down. Make sure to show your enthusiasm. If you're enjoying yourself, let out some moans, groans, or any sound that indicates that you are enjoying going down on your partner.
Jessica Gordon, the managing partner at online boutique LUVOQA, further added that “Don't forget to have patience – sometimes the best things happen after a nice slow buildup. If you're not sure how to go down on a woman, it can be helpful to look at some of the most popular sex toys that simulate oral sex.”
5. Communicate While You Go Down on Her
Caroline Madden, PhD, a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist & author, shared that the first thing is to understand that all women are different. What worked on your last partner (or what works on you!) might not work on your current partner. Most women have different sensitivities to their clitoris being touched.
Communication is key. State that you are open to feedback.
Sometimes women are insecure about giving their partner feedback-you end up wasting time and might inadvertently be too strong and numb the clitoris.. If she says “stop” then stop. Do not keep going.
If she wants to take a shower first. Do not stop her. If that makes her feel more comfortable then don’t pressure her to not shower.
Google a diagram of the clitoris. It isn’t just that pea-sized gland you think it is. There is more that is not visible. It extends to the public bone. Certain women like to first be stimulated on the sides of the vagina first before the visible part of the clitoris is touched.
6. You Can be a Little Dominant
Being a little dominant (but not overly so) when you go down on a woman can really increase her pleasure and leave her begging you for more.
For example, you could tease her before you really get down to things. Just holding her legs in the air while you hover your fingers above her clit could drive her wild with pleasure.
Or, when she’s on the verge of an orgasm, you could slow down or pull back. A little bit of teasing like this shows her who’s the boss, and it can be a huge turn-on for a girl.
Moreover, it puts you in control. Instead of her simply having an orgasm, you’re the one who’s administering it.
You could play little games, too. For instance, you could ask her to tell you a story while you pleasure her. Whenever she pauses, you pause, too. This will further drive her crazy, and it will also remind her that you’re in control of her pleasure.
7. Tell Her She Can Pull Your Hair
When you go down on a girl, it’s imperative that you let her know you’re enjoying this just as much as she is.
One of the best ways you can show your enjoyment is by getting more involved. For example, you can tell her that she can pull your hair.
Pulling on your hair gives her something to do and stops her from being too self-conscious. Plus, it allows her to, in some way, turn you on as well – and it's super hot during oral sex.
Also, this works really well if you’ve got long hair because, sometimes, long hair can get in the way and cause someone to lose focus. If this is happening to you, tell her she can pull on it.
Another reason she can pull your hair is if she’s the type of girl who gets a kick out of dominating. Let her know that she can grab your hair like a bike’s handlebars and yank it a bit. Give her something to do with her hands so that she gets even more worked up.
8. Tell Her She Tastes Good
Vulvas have a certain smell that is either musty or earthy.
They also have a certain taste.
Some women are very conscious about their vulva and what it may smell or taste like to a guy, which is why it’s essential that you tell her she tastes good. This will arouse her further and increase her excitement. If, on the other hand, you didn’t mention how she tasted, or if you even said you don’t like the way she tastes, her chances of getting wet and having an orgasm will massively decrease.
A girl needs to know you want her. Going down on her isn’t enough – you need to let her know that you’re enjoying this just as much as she is. It will help her to relax (and it will allow her muscles to relax) and it will lead to great sex.
So when you’re going down on her, don’t forget to tell her that she tastes good.
9. Don’t forget about the labia
If an inexperienced guy isn’t giving a girl's clitoris the attention it deserves, she will direct him toward it.
But what a guy shouldn’t do is get so heavily invested in the “clit” that he forgets all about the labia.
The labia are the inner and outer folds of her vulva and, like the clitoris, it’s stuffed with nerve endings that will drive a girl wild with pleasure if you touch it just right.
The best way to get good at touching her labia is to ask her. Probe with your fingers and then your tongue, before asking her if it feels good. She knows what feels good to her, and she’ll know what needs to be stimulated – and therefore she will tell you.
It’s also worth mentioning that labia vary in size and shape (and even color). Once you get used to your partner's labia and the way it feels, it will become a lot easier to pleasure her.
Oh, and don’t just finger the labia. As sex writer Gigi Engle has pointed out, you can lick her labia while circling her clit with your fingers.
10. Don’t Stop
We’ve seen guys ask the question, “yeah, but when do I stop? When is she done?”
Well, the first answer to this is that you must never stop too soon. If you stop too soon, she will feel hugely frustrated and disappointed. She may even be angry and turned off.
When is a girl satisfied with oral sex?
To be sure, you’re not always aiming for an orgasm. Orgasm is a sort-of end goal, but not when it comes to going down on her. Instead, your goal here is simply to give her pleasure. But if you stop before she’s even got into the swing of things, you will just frustrate her.
And while there’s no real right or wrong answer to this one, if you can see that she’s in a state of ecstasy and having a great time – don’t stop. Keep going until she tells you she wants you to stop and try something different.
Of course, all things run their course, and eventually, you may want to stop and try something different, too.
It’s also worth mentioning that, even if she orgasms early, you don’t need to stop. You can keep going!
One orgasm is great, but why stop there? Two are amazing, and she’ll certainly thank you for them.