Dating is more or less a game of chance.
You make a move and wait for the outcomes to reveal themselves. This is the case for both offline and online dating.
You're just playing the odds, and it's often when you stop focusing on one person that you find the one with whom the conversations flow effortlessly.
The problem is that sometimes you might send each other mixed signals even when things seem to go perfectly. Even though women are often blamed for sending mixed signals, men do so as well.
One day he could make you feel special and cherished, but then the next you find out that he is still swiping on Tinder through other matches.
Today, we’ll explain a few reasons why he could be doing this.
8 Reasons Why He is Still on Dating Apps
1. You Two Haven't Talked About Exclusivity Yet
Simply because you have decided to talk only with him and ignore others doesn’t mean that he will do the same. In the same way, if you’re doubtful about his intentions, so will he. Have you talked about the future of your relationship?
Even though you’ve been dating for just a few weeks, there’s no wrong time to have the “talk”. He doesn’t owe you loyalty unless you have discussed how you both view this relationship.
You might think that the hints you’ve left in your conversations could be enough but in most cases, they don’t.
Men don’t usually pay attention to details or implications as much as you think. Simply clarify to him that you don’t feel comfortable being one of many, and see how he reacts to it.
2. He Still Doesn't See You As “The One.”
Even though things might be going well, and you find a common language whenever you run into relationship issues, this might not be enough. The boundary between ‘good’ and ‘ideal’ is quite spacious and there’s nothing you can do but notice it.
It happens to us almost daily to have good chemistry with someone but at the end of the day, it doesn’t pass the label of friendship or a casual fling. Being straightforward about it will help you cope with it without feeling hurt.
Both genders live by different standards and knowing what standards he has for the ideal partner is crucial to help you find your role in his life. Simply be grounded and don’t assume anything that hasn’t come from his mouth yet.
3. He doesn't want a Monogamous Relationship
Numerous men are open to having an open relationship that includes more than one woman. It might sound weird to you but it's not uncommon for him to prefer having relations with many women. It depends on his mindset and the education he has received during his upbringing.
Not only men but also women can prefer having a non-monogamous relationship. Regardless of how weird it sounds, people are free to choose how they live their life. Having set a clear system of values for yourself and the ideal relationship you seek will help you decide if this man is worth dating.
The moment you see that this is the case, it's up to you to make a decision. Some women may be okay with it but if you're not, make it clear and move on. He's not the one, but this is not the end of the world (neither of men).
4. He isn't Ready to Commit Yet
Even though you expect him to stay because the chemistry is there, he might have other plans before having a serious relationship. Some men don't want to settle down early in life because of their ambitions. Reaching a certain status in their professional life comes first. However, they still want their share of fun.
Don’t be discouraged though. Chances are that if you truly like each other, the relationship might be a bit distanced at first but it could progress over time into something more stable. If he’s ready to commit, ditching dating apps won’t be an issue worth discussing at all.
Men find it hard to commit when it comes to relationships because most of them don’t get attached as easily as women do. It's up to you to decide whether you want to be part of a relationship that’s not really grounded.
5. He's Insecure About His Wants
In a world reigned by confusion like ours, it's not difficult for men to be softer and inundated with insecurities. Research reveals that social trends like soft masculinity emerging from social networks are leaving room for men to be more sensitive and feminine-like.
Confused by these trends, men are made more insecure about what it means to be a man. Therefore, they are becoming quite indecisive and explorative about what they want when it comes to their love and sex life. With each passing year, more and more traits to be considered are added.
This means that your man might not be sure whether or not he wants to settle down with one partner or keep on exploring. However, if you are meant for each other he’ll get tired of swiping and be enough with your presence.
6. He is a Player
This is a bitter pill to swallow but sometimes it's the truth. Not rarely do men enter into relationships just for fun. Surely the majority of women don't put up with this, leading men to mask their true intentions instead of revealing them straight up.
This has nothing to do with your values as a person. Instead, it shows that you must move on and find someone who values who you truly are. Don’t get stuck into proving to him that you are worthy. Otherwise, you’ll end up in a toxic relationship that sucks your happiness day by day.
If that spark isn’t there, don’t try to force it. Life could have reserved someone better for you out there. However, don’t rush into taking a decision before talking with him about it.
7. He Is Unsure of “Dating Norms”
Living in a fast pacing world has changed not only the way we communicate with each other but also the norms we follow. Boundaries are easily broken and when you think about it, the lines between norms are quite blurry.
People living in the United States may have different norms from those living in India, North Korea, or France. A friend of mine from France told me how parents restricted an Indian boy in his early twenties from talking with her.
It was shocking to hear that even though he was 21 years old, his parents banned him from using the smartphone to text this girl. It was his brother who asked her not to text him anymore saying that “she was harming him because he was spending time talking with her instead of studying”.
You never know with what norms the man you’re talking with is raised. Maybe he was raised with the common belief that a woman is not allowed to talk with other men while he can do so freely. However, there’s always a solution.
8. His Actions Are Led by Ego
The good news is that there's chemistry between the two, and this might turn into a beautiful love story or dazzling short-term encounter. The fact that he is still checking his matches on dating apps regularly means that he loves the attention. Many men need to constantly feed their egos daily.
Dating apps give us a sense of winning when we receive a match. Just like winning a game with peers or even winning a cash prize, our ego receives immense satisfaction from it. Until hitting the swipe button becomes addictive.
The thing with this feeling is longevity. It lasts only a few seconds and we want to have it again and again. However, this doesn’t mean that a man will cheat on you if he keeps on using these apps. As long as he is satisfied with getting matches and stopping there, it should all be okay for both.
What Could You Do?
It depends. It's hard to find invariable answers when it comes to relationships. There are a few things you can do which we’ll discuss below but it always depends on the type of relationship you’re aiming to have. Do you see this guy potentially beside you for the long-term?
If he’s not willing to give up on using dating apps, chances are that he’s not serious regardless of what he tells you. Don’t get attached too much to someone who doesn’t respect your needs. Here are 3 main things you can do:
1. Clarify the Intentions of Both Parties
Maybe you have no problem with him checking dating apps as long as he doesn't meet with anyone. Many conversations (especially in dating apps) start with pickup lines and continue in a spicy manner without really touching on the intentions of both parties.
Chemistry is there. The thing is that both of you might have different intentions with your dating life. One might want to have more than one relationship and keep exploring until a certain age while the other might seek stability. Regardless of your case, avoid relying on implications. Transparency and communication are the keys to a healthy relationship.
2. Set Boundaries & Limitations
We all have habits, but when we get serious about finding our other half we should be willing to give up some of them. If a man doesn’t accept to delete his dating profile, how can you expect loyalty and understanding in more future complex situations? Ask this question to him and yourself.
If you want to make this work, set boundaries. Firstly, explain to him directly what worries you and be clear about the boundaries each one must respect. Boundaries will lead to a healthier relationship.
3. Walk Away
Depending on your system of values and the standards you have for a man, you can decide to walk away and that’s okay. Instead of being a backup plan for him, you can leave and find someone who truly appreciates you.
Online dating might seem harmless at first but keep in mind that it’s how most relationships start. Therefore, if he persists that this won’t affect your relationship, know that doing it constantly increases the chances of him running into a potential partner who can replace you.
Takeaway
The worst thing you can do other than overreacting about his behavior is to ignore it. Keeping quiet when you’re about to explode from the inside is not the proper way to go about it. Sit down and have an eye-to-eye conversation.
If he says that he cares about you but keeps staying on dating apps then it’s time to test his likeability differently. Provoke him by mentioning how you’ve received countless matches on dating apps recently, and see his reaction.
In case he is revolting for you to stop using those apps, then it’s time for you to reveal your concern and ask him to do the same with his online dating profiles. At the end of the day, if he’s not committed to being with one partner and not many at once, you’re bound to get hurt. So make matters clear at first.