New relationships can be fun, exciting, and challenging all at the same time. And one of the most fun aspects of a new relationship is learning about the other person.
Questions give you the chance to better know who you’re dating. They allow you to peel back the layers bit by layer, and they show you how compatible (or incompatible) the two of you are in terms of things like sex, family and goals. They can give you insights into the other person’s sense of humour, what their outlook on life in general is, as well as what their hopes and plans are for the future.
That said, what’s key is knowing WHAT questions to ask.
It’s only by asking the right questions that you will not only be able to get a conversation going, but you will also know whether or not this relationship truly is the right thing for you at this point in your life.
In this article, I’ll be taking a look at 21 questions for a new relationship.
I’ll also be adding a bit of commentary next to each question to explain why you should ask it.
But, before that, let's discuss some…
Do’s and Don’ts
All new relationships take time before they really take off. You might be feeling nervous and not sure about what you should and shouldn’t do. Maybe you want to express yourself but don’t want to come on too strong too soon.
Here are some new relationship do’s and don’ts:
- Show affection – If you don’t show affection, no matter how early into a new relationship, your partner might think you don’t like them enough
- Be realistic – Don’t expect everything to fall into place straight away. Be realistic with your expectations for now
- Be patient – Take your time. Don’t rush things, as this will just scare them off
- Retain your independence – Yes, you’re now a couple. But it’s super important that you don't sacrifice your independence
- Be needy – No one likes a needy person who “can’t live without” their partner, especially in a new relationship. Key to not being needy is retaining your independence and sense of self
- Talk about the future – You can ask questions related to their future, but don’t start planning a future together just yet. It’s too soon!
Be close-minded – Your partner will have ideas and views that are different from yours. Use questions to discover what these are, but make sure you retain an open mind about them
21 Questions For a New Relationship
1. Do you have a five year plan?
It’s important that you know if they have a five year plan and if it aligns with yours. If it doesn’t, now might be the best time to reconsider things.
2. What’s your biggest priority right now?
Finding out where their priorities lie helps you learn more about their lifestyle, including what they’ll be spending most of their time doing right now.
3. Who’s the most important person in your life?
I like this question because it’s just a great way of learning more about their world, including their friends and family.
4. What are 5 things you can’t live without?
It’s a simple question but a fantastic conversation starter that will show you where their core interests lie – as well as whether or not they’re super materialistic.
5. What was your longest relationship?
I find it helps to ask this question if you don’t want to date a commitment-phobe.
6. Do you want children?
If this question is important to you, it’s essential that you get it out of the way as soon as possible.
7. What’s your biggest fear?
Talking about our mutual fears is just a great way to bond. Make sure to share yours too, though!
8. Do politics matter to you?
I only suggest asking this question if you have big opinions on politics. If you do, find out whether politics could prove a stumbling block in your new relationship.
9. What’s your biggest dealbreaker?
Getting this question out of the way as soon as possible ensures you don’t get too far into the relationship before realising the two of you aren’t compatible.
10. How long does it take you to feel truly comfortable with someone?
This question lets you know what you’re getting into in terms of how long it’s going to take them to truly accept this relationship.
11. Have you enjoyed being single?
Their answer will give you huge insights into where their mindset is right now, including whether or not they’re really ready for a relationship.
12. What’s the best way for you to relax?
Finding out how they like to wind down will help the two of you sync whenever you’ve both had a long day and just need to chill.
13. How important is work to you?
If you have strong opinions on work/careers, this is a cool question to ask. Because while some people can take or leave work, others make it a priority.
14. What’s your biggest turn off?
This question will help your new relationship because it will prevent you from doing precisely the thing that turns them off.
15. Are you family oriented?
If family means a lot to you, this is an important question to ask as soon as possible.
16. What does money mean to you?
They call money a necessary evil, and it’s one of the biggest reasons couples breakup. Learn about how your new partner feels about money with this question.
17. What’s your best quality?
There’s nothing better than hearing someone talk themselves up! Give them the chance to speak about the things they love about themselves.
18. What’s your worst quality?
Honesty is so important in any relationship, so use this question to get them to open up about themselves to you.
19. What would cause you to end a friendship?
This question gives you huge insights into their values.
20. Do you get angry easily?
No one really wants to date someone who flips out at the slightest thing. If you’ve been in a volatile relationship in the past, this is a good question to ask.
21. What brings meaning to your life?
Lastly, when you want to get really deep with your new partner, this is a good question to ask. They’ll need time to answer it, of course, but sharing what makes their life tick will bring the two of you closer together.
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