Dating can be exciting, nerve-wracking, and full of hope. But let’s be honest—sometimes it’s like walking into a surprise party where you’re not sure if the surprise is cake or someone trying to sell you life insurance. First dates are your golden opportunity to figure out if the person across the table is potential partner material or, well, someone you’d rather avoid. Among the deal-breakers? Narcissism.
Narcissists can charm the socks off anyone, but behind the shiny exterior lies a person more in love with their reflection than anything else. Spotting the red flags early can save you time, energy, and emotional turmoil. So, let’s dive into some practical ways to spot a narcissist on day one.
1. They Dominate the Conversation
Ever feel like you’re in a monologue instead of a dialogue? Narcissists love being the star of the show. If your date barely pauses to let you speak or consistently steers the conversation back to themselves, it’s a sign.
Example:
You: “I just got back from a trip to Bali!”
Them: “Oh, I went to Bali once, but let me tell you about my VIP yacht experience there.”
Pro Tip:
Ask open-ended questions about their interests. If they never return the favor, it’s a red flag wrapped in a bow.
2. They’re Overly Charming (Too Soon)
Flattery feels nice, but over-the-top charm can be a ploy to reel you in. If your date is showering you with compliments like, “You’re the most interesting person I’ve ever met” or “We’re soulmates,” it might not be genuine.
Example:
By dessert, they’re already talking about meeting your parents or naming your hypothetical dog.
Pro Tip:
Genuine connections take time to build. Pay attention to whether their actions match their words in the coming weeks.
3. They Make Everything a Competition
Narcissists need to win—always. If your date turns every story or accomplishment into a one-up, it’s not a good sign.
Example:
You: “I ran a 5K last weekend.”
Them: “That’s cute. I ran a marathon last year in record time.”
Pro Tip:
Healthy relationships celebrate each other’s achievements without turning them into contests.
4. They Have a Sob Story (But No Accountability)
Narcissists often play the victim to garner sympathy. They might tell you about their “crazy” ex or how everyone in their life has wronged them, but notice if they take zero responsibility for their part.
Example:
“My ex was so jealous of me because I’m just too successful and amazing.”
Pro Tip:
Everyone has baggage, but how they handle it matters. Look for people who can reflect on past relationships with maturity.
5. They Name-Drop Excessively
If your date is casually mentioning their “good friend who’s a celebrity” or how they “only drink $500 wine,” they might be trying to impress you—or inflate their ego.
Example:
“I was just texting my buddy who works for this Fortune 500 company.”
Pro Tip:
True confidence doesn’t need constant validation from external achievements.
6. They Don’t Respect Boundaries
Did they grab your hand too soon? Insist you share your deepest secrets over appetizers? Narcissists often blur boundaries early on to establish control.
Example:
They might say, “I feel like I’ve known you forever. Tell me something you’ve never told anyone.”
Pro Tip:
Healthy connections respect your pace. If someone pushes too fast, it’s okay to pull back.
7. They Can’t Handle Criticism (Even Playfully)
Narcissists have fragile egos. If you tease them lightly or disagree, watch how they react. Do they laugh it off or get defensive?
Example:
You: “You’re really into selfies, huh?”
Them: “Well, when you look this good, you would be too.”
Pro Tip:
Healthy people can handle a little banter. Fragile egos, not so much.
8. They Brag About Past Relationships
If your date keeps bringing up how their exes were obsessed with them or how they were the “best partner ever,” take it as a warning sign.
Example:
“My ex couldn’t stop texting me, even after we broke up. I’m just irresistible.”
Pro Tip:
Focus on the present. Someone stuck in their past may not be ready for a healthy future.
9. They Love Talking About Power and Control
Does your date brag about how they “always get their way” or manipulate situations to their advantage? That’s classic narcissistic behavior.
Example:
“I convinced my boss to give me a promotion, even though I didn’t really deserve it. I just know how to work people.”
Pro Tip:
Listen to how they treat others. If they lack empathy, it’s a major red flag.
10. Their Social Media Is All About Them
While this might not come up directly on the date, take a peek at their social media. Is it filled with selfies, luxurious “look at me” posts, or humblebrags?
Example:
If their Instagram bio reads, “CEO of My Life 💎,” proceed with caution.
Pro Tip:
A balanced social media presence reflects a balanced personality.
11. They Gaslight Early
If they subtly make you question your memory or feelings on the first date, run. Narcissists often use gaslighting as a control tactic.
Example:
You: “I love Italian food.”
Them: “Really? You said you liked sushi earlier. You’re so indecisive.”
Pro Tip:
Trust your instincts. If something feels off, it probably is.
12. They Talk Down to Others
Pay attention to how your date treats the server, valet, or anyone else. If they’re rude or dismissive, it’s a reflection of their true character.
Example:
“Can you believe the waiter forgot my drink? How incompetent.”
Pro Tip:
Kindness is non-negotiable. Someone who treats others poorly might eventually treat you the same way.
13. They Overshare Personal Details
Narcissists sometimes use oversharing to create a false sense of intimacy. While it might feel like they’re opening up, it’s often a manipulation tactic.
Example:
Within 20 minutes, they’re detailing their childhood trauma or financial woes.
Pro Tip:
Emotional intimacy develops gradually. Guard your heart until trust is earned.
14. They Expect Praise Constantly
If your date keeps fishing for compliments or seems upset when you don’t shower them with admiration, take note.
Example:
“Did you notice how perfectly I parallel parked just now? Pretty impressive, right?”
Pro Tip:
Healthy confidence doesn’t rely on external validation.
15. They Interrupt You Frequently
When you’re sharing something important, do they cut you off to tell their own story? This lack of listening is another sign of self-centered behavior.
Example:
You: “I’ve always wanted to visit Paris.”
Them: “Oh, I’ve been there. Let me tell you all about my trip!”
Pro Tip:
Mutual respect in conversation is key to a strong connection.
Final Thoughts: Trust Your Gut
First dates are like movie trailers—they give you a preview of what’s to come. If you notice multiple red flags, it’s okay to end things early. Trust yourself to recognize what feels right and what doesn’t.
Remember, the goal is to find someone who makes you feel valued, heard, and respected. Dating isn’t about perfection, but it’s about finding a partner who shares your values and treats you with care. So, keep your heart open but stay smart. You deserve a love that lifts you up—not one that revolves solely around someone else’s ego.