How to Sext? The Ultimate Sexting Guide For Newbies

Sexting has always been a fun addition to any relationship. Not only can it spice things up, but it can also break down mental barriers to allow you and your sexting partner to have a better sex life and get closer…and not just in the sheets. 

According to a study published in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking, couples that sext reported higher satisfaction in their relationships. This is due to the fact that sexting allows couples to open up and be vulnerable with each other while exploring fantasies they may not have shared with each other before. Sexting can be like a tell-all for couples that allows for new experiences and a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and desires. 

But, if you’ve never actually sexted, it can be intimidating to just jump in head-first. You may become nervous about your ability to “be sexy” or the reaction your partner will have to you sending a flirty text that reads, “I want you inside of me.”

Let’s face it though, who wouldn’t want to receive a steamy hot text from someone they’re into? As humans, we love the emotional affirmation that we are total babes because it builds our confidence and allows us to open up sexually with our lovers. 

However, if you don’t know where to start, don’t sweat it; we are here to help. Check out our tips below on how to become a master at the sexting game. 

23 Tips to Learn How to Sext

1. Always Get Consent 💕

Just like any other sexual activity, when initiating sexting you need to have consent. We’ve all heard the horror stories of unsolicited dick pics and, frankly, eww, let’s not do that anymore. It’s important to make sure the person you are sexting is actually comfortable with it and enjoying it too. Because if they’re not, then what’s the point?

You may think consent is not sexy because you feel that it takes the surprise and excitement out of a hot text or nude selfie, but being straight-forward and making your intentions clear is actually one of the sexiest things you can do. When you’re direct and open about sexual topics, you exhume confidence, which is super hot. They say if you can’t talk about sex, then you shouldn’t be doing it. The same goes for sexting. 

2. Pick the Right Time 🕰

Timing is everything. You never want to send a steamy sext when you know your partner is busy with something important. For example, if your partner is visiting their grandmother in the hospital, it’s probably best to wait a few hours before sending that sext that says, “I’m thinking about your body on top of mine…wish you were here.

Timing is not only vital for your partner’s sake, but also for yours. Emotions may heighten and you might start to question the stability of your relationship if you are waiting on a text back from your partner. If you are looking to start a sexting-sesh, reach out first with a, “Hey, are you busy?” before jumping into the dirty deed. 

 3. Be Confident 👩‍✈️

Confidence is always sexy, especially when it comes to sexting. Being shy and quiet will get you nowhere in the world of sexting. If you’re naturally timid, start out slow to get into the flow of things and then expand on your sexting game from there.

Exhume confidence by being straightforward, focusing on your pleasure, as well as theirs, and taking control of the conversation. 

 4. Discover What Turns Them On 😏

A benefit of sexting is finding out what turns on your partner and angling your texts to that turn-on. This will reel them in fast and make you feel confident throughout your conversation. 

Discovering their turn-ons can be a super fun conversation to have, not only are you learning about their desires, but you’re also showing your interest in fulfilling them for your partner. What’s sexier than that?

Sexting Example: “Is there anything you would like me to serve tonight on our bed other than our usual?”

5. Get Creative With Your Sexts 💁🏾

A key part of sexting is to be creative. It’s so easy to type, “I want your cock,” but it’s much more interesting and exciting to receive a text that says something like, “I want you to feel my breath on your neck as I run my fingers up your thighs.” 

Creative wordplay is a major turn-on when it comes to sexting. You want your partner to really imagine the situation because that is what is going to turn them on the most. 

Sexting Example: “My bed is so lonely without you. Come snuggle up next to me so I can feel you inside me.”

6. Talk About Your Fantasies 👀

As humans, there’s no denying that we all have sexual fantasies. Some of our fantasies may be a bit wilder than others. For example, being on top vs. sex with your BFF’s mom while her dad is in the other room. 

Whatever your fantasies are, talk about them with your partner! Sharing your innermost desires can be easier to do over the screen and it can open up the conversation for trying them when you’re actually in person together. 

Sexting Example: “I want you to tease me till I beg you to fuck me and then fuck me till I beg you to stop.”

7. Talk About Your Memories 🛌

To personalize your sexting experience, talk about a steamy memory you and your partner have with each other. For example, maybe you had sex in a public place when there was a chance of getting caught. That high-energy memory is perfect to include in a sexy conversation. 

If you don’t have any crazy memories with each other yet, that’s ok. You could talk about a memory you have and shape it to work to your advantage by saying something like, “Remember that time we were chatting in your car all night?… I wish I had just jumped you then!” 

8. Sexting Foreplay is a Thing 🥺

Just like with sex, foreplay via sexting helps to build up the sexual tension and make the end result even more banging. It’s important to take it slow by starting with some light-hearted flirting. 

Amp the conversation up with sexy pics like a quick cleavage pic or a classic legs in a bubble bath pic (just be sure not to drop your phone in the bubbles!). Photos like these mixed with a little back-and-forth flirting will create some major fireworks between you and your partner. They’ll be on the edge of their seat waiting to see what you’ll send next. 

Sexting Example: “Mr. [Name], your penis has an appointment with my mouth, we request you to please cum immediately.”

9. Tease Them Until They Explode 🤯

We all like being teased when we are fooling around in the sack. And, it’s just as fun to tease our partners as well. Sexting is no different. Teasing helps to heat up the conversation and get the blood flowing where it counts. 

To tease while sexting, make sure not to give everything away all at once because then, whoops, the game is done. Hope you had fun playing! No, the trick is to make it last and really get into it by asking questions, sending photos, and making them beg for more. 

Sexting Example: “I'm wearing nothing but contact lenses.”

10. Make use of Sexting Emojis & Combinations 💦

If you aren’t much of a smooth-talker, that’s ok. Sexting takes practice. However, in the meantime, feel free to utilize the emoji keyboard. This can be a super fun way to engage in the conversation without feeling too much pressure to perform.

Of course, you can’t totally rely on emojis to get you through a sexting conversation, but when you’re at a loss, it’s easy to combine a couple of symbols to get your point across. 

Sexting Example: Your 🍑 + My 🍆 = We 💦

Hottest Sexting Emojis

11. Don’t Play Too Safe 🥱

Of course, it’s important to be comfortable with what you’re sexting. However, pushing yourself in a healthy way can have a lot of great benefits.

Challenging yourself to step outside your comfort zone can help you to discover new turn-ons and allow you to share desires with your partner that you may never have, which will only help you to get closer. 

Sexting Example: “Your cock, my mouth, right now!”

12. Ask Them Naughty Questions 😶‍🌫️

One of the biggest challenges of sexting is to keep the conversation going. One genius way to do this is through the use of questions. Asking questions such as, “What would you do to me?” and “How do you want me to touch you?” are a couple of examples of ways to keep that sext-sesh flowing forward.

It’s also fun to be a bit more specific with your questions. Or perhaps ask questions about certain interests or desires. Not only will this avoid a halt in conversation, but it will keep the discussion interesting, sexy, and engaging. Plus, you may even learn something new about your partner.

13. Don't Repeat The Same Sext Messages 💩

The more specific you can be with your sexts, the better. No one wants to read the same boring sext over and over. After a while, your partner will dread getting that, “I wish you were here,” text. 

To switch it up and keep them enticed, try telling your partner exactly what you want and how it will make you feel. This will allow them to really imagine the situation you’re describing and they’ll be totally on board with jumping in with their own details. 

14. Send Photos 😈

If you fully trust the person you are sexting, photos can be a fun way to take sexting to the next level. It can give your partner the sneak-peek they need to get off…if you know what we mean. 

Of course, these don’t have to be fully nude photos. A nude selfie is nice, but there are many other photos you can send that will still entice your partner. A sexy selfie featuring a low-cut shirt or a flirty smile can be all you need to set the tone for the conversation. 

 15. Send Naughty Voice Notes 🎶

Now that you have played around with sexts and photos, it’s time to include audio files. The power of voice messages is REAL and makes sexting experience much more intense. 

Audio files can include the sound of you getting into the shower, saying something sexy, or even just simply breathing. This combined with photos and texts will help to appeal to all of your partner’s senses and make the experience more tangible for them. 

16. You Can Try Roleplaying 🥶

If you are into roleplaying, please know that it can be done over text too. This is especially fun for couples who have been together for a while and are looking to spice things up a little. 

It doesn’t have to be anything crazy like playing a damsel in distress and a night in shining armor, it could just simply be a stranger situation or a professor and student dynamic. Do whatever turns you on!

 17. Take Turns 🥵

The back-and-forth while sexting is super important. You don’t want to dominate the conversation, but rather have a healthy balance of turn-taking. This ensures that your partner is benefitting from the conversation, as well.

Turn-taking gives you time to gauge their reaction and engagement in the conversation. You don’t want to bore them or feel like a nuisance. The experience should be fun on both ends. If the reactions you are getting aren’t what you hoped for, try switching up your style and trying something new, or ask them what they would like to do. 

18. Talk Dirty 🤐

Not everyone is comfortable with dirty talk, and that’s ok. But, if you are then definitely incorporate it into your sexts. Saying dirty things to your partner can be freeing and make you feel like a total sex kitten. 

Plus, there’s no doubt your partner will love to sneak a peek at your naughty side. Just be sure to use vocabulary you’re comfortable with. You don’t want to force anything. The dirty talk should be fun for both parties. 

Sexting Example: “I can’t sleep. All I can think of is you fucking me.” 

Related Scoop: 100 Dirty Things To Say To Him To Turn On

19. Don't Stop. Keep It Flowing! 😻

Never give one-worded answers or a simple emoji that has minimal meaning. This is the number one killer of a sexting-sesh. Instead, learn how to keep the sexts flowing by commenting in detail, asking questions, and teasing. 

Another thing to note is to forget all judgment. Even if you don’t totally vibe with something your partner says, don’t knock them down (seriously — they’re being open with you!) simply change the path of the conversation in a sexy way and keep moving forward.

 20. Don’t Forget All Of The Five Senses 🦋

Just like in real-life sex, sexting should include all five senses. These senses are touch, smell, sight, sound, and taste. Of course, you can’t taste your partner over the screen, but hey, there’s no rule that says you can’t talk about it!

When getting dirty with the deets, make sure to appeal to all of their senses. For example, this can mean sending photos, for sight, or simply talking about what you’d like to see. It’s all up for interpretation. 

21. Don’t Overthink It 💪

Overthinking your sexts can make the experience way more stressful than it should be. As cliche as it sounds, being yourself, is the way to go. 

Stay true to your wants, needs, and desires, and do your best to relay them to your partner. Don’t try too hard to be hot, or even worse, someone you’re not. This shouldn’t be a forced experience, but rather one that flows and is full of positive sexy vibes.

22. Get Ready To Talk Live 📱

If you’ve been sexting for a bit and you want to take it to the next level, talking dirty live is right around the corner. 

Always be ready for phone sex when you and your partner are in the midst of turning each other on. Phone sex can be so totally hot and it can help you and your partner connect on a whole other level. Just imagine listening to your partner breathe into the phone as they’re getting themselves off thinking about you…

23. Don't Make Sexting a Chore 🥱

The number one most important rule of all when it comes to sexting is to have fun! Seriously, don’t sext because you feel pressured. Don’t do it because you are trying to “save” your relationship. Do it for the fun of it. 

If it’s not fun, then it’s not worth your time. You could easily be out grocery shopping, gardening, or entertaining yourself at the movie theatre. But, if you let it sexting can be an engaging, fun, and rewarding experience, which can benefit both you and your relationship. 

About Laurie Riihimaki