If and when should you use Tinder? Is spending time on Tinder worth it? Or is it a complete waste of your time?
How Many Million People Can Be Wrong?
You’ll hear people have all sorts of opinions about Tinder. Why? Because they use it for different reasons and end up with different results.
Yet, if Tinder was so entirely bad, how come millions of people are still using it?
Because it isn’t all bad. And it does what it says on the package: it allows you to meet people in your town in an instant. Boom. Thousands of people at your fingertips.
5 Reasons Why I still use Tinder:
So because of all this whining, let’s have a look at the pros with Tinder first and then we’ll tackle the whining.
1, The Amount of People You Can Reach:
Tinder comes with the above pro: you have thousands of people at your fingertips. You can swipe right and left on half the single population in the city you’re in. It’s a very convenient way of meeting people. Especially if you’re new in town.
2. It’s Easy to Say What You Want and Find What You Want
As you have a profile, it’s also easy to state what you want with Tinder. Some people use it when traveling to meet people to show them around a city. Others use it to make friends (rare). Some use it to find love. Most use it for causal dating, or hookups.
A lot look for one thing and end up finding another as life rarely goes as planned. Still, if you see what someone’s looking for, it’s easy enough to swipe left if it’s not what you’re looking for.
3. It’s Easy to Use
You don’t have to write a long profile and answer fifteen questions about your personality. It’s very easy to upload a couple of good pictures of yourself and write three or so (fun) sentences to describe yourself.
4. It’s a Dating Game
It’s an excellent way of having fun, going through profiles, drooling over hot people whom you might meet. Come on, it’s kind of like playing a game where you might score a date — it’s exciting.
5. It’s an Ego Boost
If you belong to the better looking part of the population, or have a wickedly fit body, or simply know how to dress to impress and write a fun bio, you may also land yourself an ego boost. Particularly when you just join, as your profile will be boosted to be seen by lots of people.
Thanks to Tinder I’m aware that lots of men 6 years my junior (that’s where I cut it off, I could always try to go lower…) want to date me. Thank you Tinder!
I also got a message in the beginning of this year from Tinder stating that in the 2.5 years I’ve used Tinder, 25k men have swiped yes and I haven’t even been active on Tinder for all of that time. So, ego boost, much?
6. You Don’t Need to Get Attached
Rather than being attached to the outcome with whoever you’re currently dating, you can have five more lined up on Tinder. Some people get attached way too fast and end up heartbroken too often. Having more people whom you can date, makes it less likely that you get caught up too soon.
Tinder has simply opened up dating beyond meeting in bars — you have the world of casual dating at your fingertips.
Now, let’s tackle the less savory side to Tinder.
1. True Love Doesn’t Come Easy
If you want to find true love, you might need to be patient with Tinder. The majority of people are on there to do casual dating. Not only that, people swipe right on people they never even bother speaking with.
They realized someone better popped up in their feed, they swiped right without actually reading the entire profile, or they just wanted an ego boost.
2. Conversations Easily Stop
On Tinder it’s easy to be overwhelmed, especially when you just join. As you have five to ten conversations going, the ones that don’t strike your immediate fancy fall to the roadside. And sometimes you simply find out that they weren’t as fun to talk to as you hoped.
Basically, Tinder offers options. That means you aren’t that committed to talk to people before they really hook your attention, because you have others lined up to talk to. It also means people aren’t that committed to talking to you. If you can’t handle people going MIA after chatting to you for a while, Tinder isn’t for you.
3. Ghosting is a Reality (Happened with me!)
I don’t know how many of my friends who have told me: “I met him on Tinder, we dated for a while, then he disappeared after we had sex once or twice, no explanation given.”
Tinder basically made ghosting acceptable. I, for one, don’t find it acceptable at all. It doesn’t matter if you just wanted to hook up, or realize after you hook up that you don’t want anything more, you should still be able to tell the other person that.
But somehow people on Tinder seem to think that it’s perfectly acceptable to simply disappear into thin air when you don’t feel like hanging out anymore.
This happened to me once. I met a guy who I dated for a month, had sex with and then voila, he disappeared. If he’d said he just wanted a hook up, then fine, but that was not fine. I understand, the person is scared of hurting your feelings, doesn’t know what to say, you live in another country anyway so what do you expect it would never have lasted, etc. but it still isn’t right. It’s downright lousy manners. At the time my grandmother was dying as well, so I could have used some support!
If you meet someone in person for one date and don’t hear from them again, so be it. We all know that first dates are like auditions: if we don’t get a callback, we weren’t selected.
And we can just reach out and say: “Hey, I really enjoyed meeting you. Want to meet up again?” if we want to see them. If they don’t reply, we know the answer.
I, for one, think you should reply to a direct text like that. Ignoring people is impolite. And if you date someone for a while, then you need to explain yourself if you intend to disappear. I mean have some respect!
Has Tinder Made It Harder to Find Love?
People have told me that Tinder has ruined dating because there is an infinite supply of dates on there, meaning no one cares to become involved. They have constant back-up of dates.
This means the moment they become bored, they walk out the door, instead of trying to make it work. While this may hold true for people looking for casual dating, I think that once you find love, it’s pretty hard to ignore it. On the other hand, Tinder may have helped making it more acceptable to settle down later in life.
The Blurred Lines
Tinder, from my experience, is used for different reasons in different countries. In Greece sex is the main purpose, though not the only one. In Sweden, Britain and South Africa, people appear a lot more serious.
You’ll find several profiles stating people are looking for love. Still, a lot of them are also open to casual dating and it is still Tinder’s no. 1 sale: fast dates. Anyone using the app knows that.
The problem is, as in real life when we meet someone at a bar, that when we date them we risk falling for them. You know they’re just in it for casual dating, but still. You hope. And if it doesn’t work out and they miraculously change their minds, you feel hurt.
Likewise, not everyone has your best interests at heart. You say you don’t want hookups, but they like you and think they can score anyway.
Or they think it’s obvious they just want something casual, you think it’s obvious you want more and somewhere it gets lost in translation as you both go for what you want. Then you blame each other, because the other party knew what you wanted.
Of course, this could be the other way around: you want something casual, they want something more.
To Sum It Up
Tinder is an excellent way of meeting new people. It’s also time consuming as you’ll start a hundred conversations that go nowhere — you realize the other person can’t engage you in a conversation, or they suddenly disappear when they get busy with someone else.
Other people will match with you, only never to speak to you at all. You’ll probably also realize you were a bit over eager when swiping right on some people who, on closer inspection, you don’t really want to talk to. At least not when you have five others lined up, or you suddenly got busy with something much more important in the real world.
Tinder is an app where people judge you on your looks and the way you’ve written your bio. If you have style, or good looks, or both, you’re much more likely to score with Tinder than if you have zap fashion sense. If you have a well maintained body, all the better.
It’s visual. Now, the trick with the photos is to show off both yourself and your interesting life, as well as accompanying it with a bio that makes you sound like good times. However, no matter how good the bio, if you wear ill fitting clothes and have extreme close ups that make you look like a goblin, people won’t swipe right.
In other words: Tinder can be a total ego boost, or total ego fail, depending on how you present yourself. If you aren’t artistic, have someone else help you with your profile.
Likewise, if you’re looking for true love, Tinder is possibly more hard work than it’s worth. There are serious dating sites and apps for those seeking love and your chances on there are a lot higher.
Tinder simply isn’t an app to take too seriously. When I’m bored I sit down to go through hot guys and swipe right or left. Not the most serious of things. I see it as “the fun thing that may pay off.”
As I travel a lot, it entertains me. I’m new to a place, I want to meet people. That’s also why I have some sky high numbers of men that have swiped right no me — living in the same city all this time I probably wouldn’t have achieved that.
But it’s also sad — 25k likes and no boyfriend?! That said, I have stayed in some odd five cities in the past two and a half years that I’ve used the app. Even if I wanted to find love, I knew I couldn’t ask for it, because I was busy sorting a visa to one country, while hopping around among other countries. So I settled for Tinder.
That said, I’ll still use it when I go “home” because you never know.
Tinder is fun. It’s a great way of meeting people. You just have to be damn clear about what you’re looking for and be up front about it when meeting people. Don’t blur your own lines and don’t make others blur theirs.
And if you have a frail ego, be prepared — not everyone will message you back, people will leave conversations abruptly and you do run the chance of being ghosted by digitalized brains who seem to think it’s OK to date and disappear because, well, you probably won’t bump into them at a party anytime soon and there’s more fish in the sea they can catch without worrying about how they treated the other fish.