Getting laid using Tinder is not rocket science, but there are dos and don’ts if you want to up your game, or have any game at all.
So who am I to tell you this?
Someone who has written more dating advice articles than you’d ever care to read. OK, but still, who am I to do that? I’ve used Tinder, on and off, for about two years. I got a message a few days back saying that I’ve had 25k likes on my profile. Granted I’ve traveled a lot, so I guess I have the opportunity to get more likes than most.
Now, I’ve used Tinder for different reasons over the years. I’ve also had all sorts of men approach me on there. And I know what makes me stop in my tracks and read a profile, answer a message, or run for the hills. I have also read about other people’s advice and experiences on Tinder and it turns out, their thoughts are very similar to mine.
That said, I’ve seen Tinder work differently in different countries.
In Greece, all the men have beach pics because, well, they spend time on the beach. In London, showing your abs for no good reason…erm?
In Greece most men don’t write a profile (but tend to link their Instagram), in London and Cape Town it’s weird if you don’t. But overall, there are some commonalities.
1. Write a Profile — Which Doesn’t Suck!
Sure, you’re only looking for sex. So photos should be enough, right?! No. You need to show you’re not some douchebag. You need to show a girl can be confident you’ll treat her well before, during and after sex. You need to show you have character.
When looking for hookups, as contrary as it may seem, writing a few lines to establish that you aren’t a whack job is really important. Even the Ex Tinder VP Rosette Pambakian stated that empty bio is a huge problem. The chart below distinctly indicates that adding bio greatly increases women matches.
No, you don’t need an essay. Absolutely not. But two, or three lines, to establish that you are a decent guy and have a sense of humor…yes.
Oh, and writing something also shows you’re willing to work for it.
What Tinder Profiles Work For Hookups?
Short, to the point, funny, honest.
“I like ice cream, surfing and cuddling on Sunday mornings. I’m terrible at cooking, but great at take-outs by the fire in winter, and by the beach in summer.”
“Your mother would like me because I’m a mean cook and polite gentleman.
“I know how to polish my shoes, clean the house and do the laundry. Just so we have that out of the way. As for the interesting stuff: I like adventure, I’m a sucker for days on the beach, I love a great bottle of red and even greater cuddles, I have a thing for fireplaces in winter and I’m so totally down for spontaneous experiences.”
“I never did the nine-to-five and I’m a terrible cook, but I’m great with adventure, cuddles and sharing pints of ice cream.”
“I’d like to think gran did well with teaching me to be a gentleman, but I have an adventurous soul, a naughty mind and love good banter.”
“Midwest gentleman come to live in NYC. Run a creative agency by day, explore the city by night. Love a good hike in the mountains, as much as I love a get-together with friends in the city. I also love my mother, but if you ever meet her, don’t hold it against me.”
“I like intellectual conversation and bottles of wine. I provide bear hugs and fireside chats. I am prone to adventure and pillow fights. I have a ridiculous love for poodles, but promise I’m quite manly in other ways.”
Basically, a line or two about your personality and some humor. Keep sentences short. You can write longer than I have here, but if so, keep it interesting. A long list of what job you have, what car, you drive and your favorite foods just isn’t an entertaining read.
Here’s the deal: if you aren’t Shakespeare, get a friend to help you pen something that’s true to who you are and interesting.
Photos That Work — Don’t be a Creepy Dude!
Before people even read your profile, they’ll look at your photos. They won’t read the profile unless they like them. Photos are there to show who you are. That means it’s not just about your face, or your physique. Shocker.
A woman wants to know who she’s going home with. Or in this case: who she’s getting into a conversation with, which might lead to sex.
A picture with your dog, or niece, shows you’ve got a heart. Wonderful.
If you have a shot with you and your friends, it shows you have friends. Great. You’re probably not a complete nutcase then.
If you’re out playing sports, you show you’re taking care of yourself and you’re enjoying yourself. You’re happy and healthy.
A full body shot (with your clothes on), shows you don’t secretly have the body of a Sumo wrestler.
A pic of you dressed up in a nicely fitted suit, or cool outfit, shows you’ve got style. You know how to dress. That’s sexy.
In general, shots of you having fun, shows you’ve got a life. Shots where you travel, cook, ride a bike, paint…do whatever it is that makes you happy.
If you have as much artistic sense as none at all, get someone good with a camera to help you pick the photos for your profile.
How Many Photos Should You Use?
Use as many as possible to show off your face and your life. The more women get to see of your life, the more comfortable they’ll feel meeting up with you. If you show you’re a social creature, who enjoys your life, knows how to dress, etc. you’re a lot more likely to find a hookup.
Male Tinder profiles with three pictures got more likes over those with only one. This is specifically pronounced for the male Tinder users, for whom matches frequencies increased more than five-fold.
The Not Impressive Shots You Think Will Impress:
A picture of you cruising down the PCH with in a Porsche with the roof down…sure, that can be fun. A pic of you posing next to a Maserati…that’s what’s called the small d*ck complex. You’re trying to make up for something.
The same goes for pictures of your expensive mansion, or Rolex. Seriously?
There’s a huge difference between men who enjoy their lifestyle and look comfortable doing things they enjoy, and those who take pictures to prove something. If you have something prove, see a psychologist, instead of using Tinder to prove it.
This goes for close-ups of your abs, your crotch and gym pics too. Knowing you’re a gym rat is impressive because…? If you want to show off your body, take a shot of you surfing, or playing beach volleyball, or something of the sort.
You’re having fun, not posing for the camera to prove a point.
Most women just find it pathetic when men start flexing their muscles in front of the camera. Show off your physique, but don’t try to prove yourself through it.
Avoid Group Pics, and shirtless pics— Period!
The interior of your living room, five shots where you are so small you can’t really be seen in the picture, fifteen photos of your dog (without you in the shot), a photo of your car/motorbike, a great shot of the sunset, three silly memes…seriously? Women want to look at you. That’s why they’re browsing your profile.
As a general rule, if men have lots of blurry shots, shots where you can’t see their face, a ton of shots of nature…I think they’re trying to hide. If I am to swipe right on a profile and spend time talking to someone, I want to know who I’m talking to.
Never ever use a blurry shot, a shot of something other than yourself, etc. as your first photo. I don’t even bother looking at the second one.
The Off-putting Shots:
Extreme close ups of your face where you look insane. Why? It’s off-putting.
Likewise, bathroom selfies. Really? You are so impressed by yourself you spend time in the bathroom taking pictures? Or you have no friends who can take pictures of you, so you have to take selfies?
A few selfies are fine, especially ones with friends in them, but selfie obsessed people often have a broken ego, or you have to assume they have no friends who can take their photo. You don’t have to be a super social being, you just have to show you aren’t a nutcase that keeps taking pics of yourself. So keep it varied.
Everyone does a selfie now and again, especially to show off something cool happening in their lives, but if every shot is a selfie…
Likewise, if you link your Instagram account and every single photo on there is a photo of you…trying to impress, much? Or desperate for hookups, much? Unless you are a model using Instagram to sell yourself as such, use it to show what you love in life, as much as your own face.
Extremely ugly photos are another no-no. We all have good and bad angles. We all look insane in some photos. But why put them on Tinder?
I don’t mean the funny shots, I mean the ones where you’re sitting on your couch watching a game of basketball, with laundry drying in the background and you look like a couch potato. I’m sure women will be thrilled to think about having sex with you.
Also, one shot of you and your niece, or one shot of you and your dog, fine. All shots with you and the dog…this is looking like you have a dog obsession. Not sexy.
So we all know how to use filters and edit photos these days. Great. We can at least avoid the pics where we have bright red eyes and look like the devil incarnate. But if you airbrush every single shot so much that the girl won’t recognize you when she sees you, or suddenly realizes you’re ten years older than she thought…it’s gonna put her on edge.
Even if she actually likes what she sees, it’s not gonna be what she expected. She’ll write you off as a liar. And who wants to go home with a liar?
Here’s the deal: people use Tinder for different things. Many use it for quick flings, some use it for casual dating, some for finding love. Most use it for a mix of the three, or, rather: even if you’re looking for true love, you don’t know what will happen when you meet someone.
It all starts with dating. Maybe you’ll end up casually dating them for a while, hooking up a few times and then ending it. On the other hand, you could be looking for hookups and fall in love.
Point being, be honest about what you are looking for and what you’re open to. If you aren’t, you’ll end up wasting your time with people who want something else. There’s no point wasting time talking to a girl who’s looking for a relationship, take her out for a date, only to be told she absolutely won’t consider casual dating.
And trying to coerce her into it…really?! You’ll leave her feeling bad if she decides to have sex when she truly is looking for something more.
“I’m looking to date and have fun, but if I happen to meet someone I fall in love with…great.”
“I’m looking for fun and naughtiness.”
“Looking to meet people, have fun, see where it takes us.”
“Looking for fun and play.”
You DON’T have to state it in your profile, but you do have to establish it once you start chatting to someone and feel like there’s chemistry.
Looks v.s. Style and Personality
We were all born with different looks. Sex appeal has a lot to do with style, not looks. If you dress nicely, have great hygiene, take care of your body and are confident in yourself (i.e. you’re comfortable being who you are), it shows.
If you want to score on Tinder, you first have to see to that. No matter what you put in your profile, your personality shines through.
Living from the heart means you’re neither shy, nor an ego show off. It means you’ve decided to take charge of your life and say bye to the wounds your ego inflicted upon you. It means you’re comfortable — you aren’t above, or below, anyone else. You are. It’s the most confident anyone can be.
Improve Your Communication Skills:
You also need people and communication skills. Otherwise you won’t understand what people communicate to you and/or they won’t understand you.
And as you will meet people you contact on Tinder, you won’t get laid unless you can talk to them in real life, too.
The First Message
“Hey, how are you?”
Do those sound like interesting opening lines? No. Really? No. They’re not.
If a woman has a decent profile, she’ll get a lot of men approaching her on Tinder. Like, a lot. If you want her to answer to your message, say something interesting.
The easiest way to show you cared enough to actually look at her profile, is to mention something about it, whether something you have in common, or something you liked about it.
“That ice cream you’ve got in one of your pics looks delicious. Can I have some? ;)”
“You moved to NYC from LA? Let me guess: the eternal sunshine and pretty beaches just got too much for you? ;)”
“I see you visited Paris. Me too. What was your fav thing in the city? :)”
“I love the shot of you in Paris. Have a bit of a taste for globetrotting, do you? :)”
If you’re in a hurry (and you have a decent enough profile to back up you aren’t a complete douche) a “Name!” can also work. Why? It’s their name. It’s a lot more personal than “Hey.”
“Hey,” sort of indicates you have no clue what to say, or don’t care enough to say anything more interesting. Using their name is personal and confident.
Cheesy jokes that are actually funny can also work. And Tinder sometimes provide them for you — when you match with someone you get a message saying things like “We matched you. We can’t type for you as well.”
So saying something like: “Tinder tells me I have to type you a message to start the conversation. So demanding of Tinder, don’t you think? Shouldn’t they, like, have a bot doing that by now?! ;)”
GIFs can also work…if they are well thought out. One with red roses…no. Strangers giving you red roses is strange. In fact, an experiment showed you’re 30% more likely to get a response by opening with a GIF, and conversations including GIFS last on average 2x longer.
“You’re so hot/beautiful/cute,” is another no, no. Why? Too much, too soon. And the beautiful ones are usually more impressed if you’re attracted to more than their beauty.
Once the Conversation Is Rolling…..
Plan to meet up. After a few back and forths, you want to make things happen. While you might have great online chemistry, it doesn’t always translate. Communicate for long enough to show you can hold a conversation (that really only takes a few lines back and forth), then move it to WhatsApp (or similar) and schedule a date.
You can even tell them you prefer meeting in person to chatting online. (Read another of my articles about great first dates.)
And if someone drops out of the conversation, move on. Tinder is filled with people. I don’t know how many people you meet that stop talking to you and vice versa.
You realized they aren’t your cup of tea, someone else came up that was more interesting, you got busy with life and didn’t have time to flirt…oh and the people who just use it for an ego boost and never intended to meet up with you in the first place… If it happens, just move on.
If someone sounded really, really cool, shoot them a message after a day, or two. If they don’t reply, leave it. You don’t have to unmatch them, as something really could have happened that means they aren’t on Tinder, but don’t hold your breath.
In Closing — lemme know what you think?
I hope this helped you up your Tinder game. It’s actually a lot about people/communication skills. You have to present yourself in the right light; in a way people can connect to and then interact with them in the same manner.
It’s about being true to you and what you want, and then communicating it. It’s about being flirtatious and having fun, because that’s what you want. It’s also about showing you’re a decent person as no one wants to walk home with a douche. So be a nice person.