10 Tinder First Message Destined to Seal the Deal

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So you matched with someone you’re really into. What now? Someone’s got to start the talking, and it might as well be you. Rest assured, this is a crucial moment. You can either make it or break it with that first tinder message, so it’s super important to play your cards right.

tinder first message

Not all tactics will work in every situation, and at the end of the day, it’s really about what does it for the person you’ve matched with. Even so, there are some techniques you can try that may give you an advantage when trying to strike up that first critical convo. Here they are, in no particular order: 

Top 10 First Tinder Messages:

1. The Simple Hello

Pros: It’s casual, unassuming, and it gets the conversation going (hopefully). Plus, it’s easy. There’s virtually no thinking involved. Just say “hi.” The downside of this tactic is that your match could think it’s boring or worse, lazy.

If you do use this simple strategy, just go into it knowing that it’s not going to make you stand out, so you’ll have to rely on something else to get your match’s attention. If you’re super hot, for instance, then a simple “hey” is all you really need to get a response.

On the other hand, if you know you’re lacking in the looks department or have some other obvious flaws (i.e. in between jobs or still live with your parents), then you’re going to need to get a little (or a lot) creative. 

2. The Flirt

It’s Tinder, not Match, so a little flirting is expected. Just don’t go over the top unless your match’s profile is aggressively sexual. In that case, it’s ok to go all in, so to speak. In most cases, it’s best to keep the flirting casual and classy, though. Compliments on features above the neck are always welcome.

For Example, Think eyes, hair, smile, etc. It’s ok to comment on a match’s physique too, especially if it’s clear from their profile that they’re showing it off, but don’t make vulgar comments or ask for sexual favors. That’s just creepy.

Keep in mind too that flirting doesn’t have to be based on a match’s appearance, either. If her profile is witty, tell her how sexy you think it is when a girl makes you laugh. Is your match the intellectual type? Start by talking about how erotic a deep conversation can be.

Inside Scoop: Read My Secret to Starting a Conversation on Tinder.

3. The Joke

Humor is so attractive that you don’t even have to be that good at it to use it in your favor. Even if the joke you send is cheesy, it will probably get a response from your match. People tend to reward any effort at comedy, so it’s hard to miss with this one.

Also, You’ll have an even better chance if you relate your witty remark to something in your match’s bio. This shows you’ve done your homework and expresses interest in something personal. There’s really no downside to The Joke approach unless your attempt at humor is in poor taste (think crude or offensive).

TIP: Stay far, far away from jokes about politics, religion, or anything else that might be triggering.

4. The Profile Pull

This one’s a little sneaky, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get what you want, right? If you can’t think of anything to say to your match to start a good convo, then go back to their profile and re-read it. Then, pull something from their bio and use it to get the text stream flowing.

For Instance, If your match is a book nerd, ask them to share a favorite title or inquire about their latest read. You get the point. The upside to this tactic is that because your match has already expressed interest in the topic, you really can’t go wrong at getting his or her attention.

Inside Scoop: 13 Tips to Make Your Tinder Profile Too Tempting to Resist

5. The Fun Fact

Share a fun fact about yourself that’s not already on your profile. This is a good way to get the conversation started and help your match learn more about you. When you use this approach, you’re also implying that you’d like to learn more about the other person. If this implication isn’t already crystal clear, follow your own fun fact with a nudge for your match to share one of their own.

Need ideas?

Think strange food combinations you enjoy, weird injuries, bizarre talents, odd hobbies, etc. Just try to stay within the realm of normal or at least generally socially acceptable, so you don’t scare your match off before you even get to meet in person! 

Inside Scoop: Learn How to Talk to Girls on Tinder? (Screenshots Added)

6. The Goofy GIF

GIFs are super popular right now, so they’re bound to get a response. Plus, they’re funny, which we’ve already established equals sexy.

What’s not to do?

When you do send a GIF, though, add your own comment too. Otherwise, it just looks like random spam you send to all your matches. If you can find a GIF related to info on your match’s bio, that’s even better. 

7. The Unpopular Opinion

Start a heated debate with your match over something trivial by offering a controversial opinion on food, popular culture, the weather, or other lighthearted topic.

For instance, comment that you prefer soggy cereal over crunchy, and you’ll no doubt strike a nerve. Your match won’t be able to resist the bait for a good old-fashioned argument over nothing. This is a little like the “fun fact” technique, but with a twist. 

Inside Scoop: 60 of the Best and Funniest Tinder Pick up Lines.

8. The Travel Tempter

Everyone likes to talk about travelling—whether they actually do it or not. One can dream, right? Use your first message to ask your match about their ideal vacation or travel destination, and you’ll start a full-on convo about lazy days at the beach or foggy mornings spent on a mountain top.

If you’re lucky, she’ll soon start thinking about the two of you getting away together! You can also ask about past trips, of course, and share stories from your own too. A well-travelled man (or woman) is an attractive one! 

Inside Scoop: Best Tinder Icebreakers That Always Work

9. The Common Denominator

Scour your match’s bio and look for something (anything) you have in common. Then, mention this shared interest in your first Tinder message.

  • Do you like the same series on Hulu?
  • Are you from the same state?
  • Do you both put your pants on one leg at a time?

Seriously, it can be anything, so long as it’s something you share. People tend to feel an instant bond when they discover a commonality with someone they’ve just met, so use this little gem of knowledge to your advantage. You’ll be scheduling a date in no time!

10. The Name Game

Start your message with your match’s name. You can say something (read: anything) after or just add an exclamation point. “Amy!”, for example. It may seem silly, but for some reason it works. People like the sound of their own names, I suppose. It’s likely you’ll get a similar message back like “Brian!”, which admittedly doesn’t give you a whole lot to work with, but hey—it’s a response!

That first message on Tinder can spell disaster, or it can be the catalyst for something magical between you and your match. No pressure. But really, try not to blow it. 

Inside Scoop: Still unclear what do? Here’s the 15 Best Openers For Tinder.



Melissa has been a freelance copywriter for the past ten years. She met the man of her dreams on OkCupid, and they were married in October of 2018. They're currently living their happily-ever-after in Alabama where they spend their free time mountain biking.

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