10 Tinder First Message Tips to Start The Conversation

So you matched with someone you’re really into. What now? Someone’s got to start the talking, and it might as well be you. Rest assured, this is a crucial moment. You can either make it or break it with that first tinder message, so it’s super important to play your cards right.

tinder first message

Not all tactics will work in every situation, and at the end of the day, it’s really about what does it for the person you’ve matched with. Even so, there are some techniques you can try that may give you an advantage when trying to strike up that first critical convo. Here they are, in no particular order: 

10 Good First Tinder Messages to Start The Conversation

1. The Simple Hello Message

Pros: It’s casual, unassuming, and it gets the conversation going (hopefully). Plus, it’s easy. There’s virtually no thinking involved. Just say “hi.” The downside of this Tinder opener is that your match could think it’s boring or worse, lazy.

If you do use this simple strategy, just go into it knowing that it’s not going to make you stand out, so you’ll have to rely on something else to get your match’s attention. If you’re super hot, for instance, then a simple “hey” is all you really need to get a response.

On the other hand, if you know you’re lacking in the looks department or have some other obvious flaws (i.e. in between jobs or still live with your parents), then you’re going to need to get a little (or a lot) creative. 

2. The Flirty Opener

It’s Tinder, not Match, so a little flirting is expected. Just don’t go over the top unless your match’s profile is aggressively sexual. In that case, it’s ok to go all in, so to speak. In most cases, it’s best to keep the flirting casual and classy, though. Compliments on features above the neck are always welcome.

For Example, Think eyes, hair, smile, etc. It’s ok to comment on a match’s physique too, especially if it’s clear from their profile that they’re showing it off, but don’t make vulgar comments or ask for sexual favors. That’s just creepy.

Keep in mind too that flirting doesn’t have to be based on a match’s appearance, either. If her profile is witty, tell her how sexy you think it is when a girl makes you laugh.

Is your match the intellectual type? Start by talking about how erotic a deep conversation can be.

Inside Scoop: Best Tinder Conversation Starters.

3. Send a Joke

Humor is so attractive that you don’t even have to be that good at it to use it in your favor. Even if the joke you send is cheesy, it will probably get a response from your match. People tend to reward any effort at comedy, so it’s hard to miss with this one.

Also, You’ll have an even better chance if you relate your witty remark to something in your match’s bio. This shows you’ve done your homework and expresses interest in something personal.

There’s really no downside to The Joke approach unless your attempt at humor is in poor taste (think crude or offensive).

TIP: Stay far, far away from jokes about politics, religion, or anything else that might be triggering.

Inside Scoop: Funny Tinder Pick up Lines

4. The Profile Pull

This one’s a little sneaky Tinder hack, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get what you want, right?

If you can’t think of anything for your first Tinder message, then go back to their Tinder profile and re-read it. Then, pull something from their bio and use it to get the text stream flowing.

For Instance, If your match is a book nerd, ask them to share a favorite title or inquire about their latest read. You get the point. The upside to this tactic is that because your match has already expressed interest in the topic, you really can’t go wrong at getting his or her attention.

5. Send a Fun Fact About you

Share a fun fact about yourself that’s not already on your profile. This is a good way to start the conversation and help your match learn more about you. When you use this approach, you’re also implying that you’d like to learn more about the other person.

If this implication isn’t already crystal clear, follow your own fun fact with a nudge for your match to share one of their own.


Think strange food combinations you enjoy, weird injuries, bizarre talents, odd hobbies, etc. Just try to stay within the realm of normal or at least generally socially acceptable, so you don’t scare your match off before you even get to meet in person! 

Inside Scoop: How to Talk to Girls on Tinder?

6. Send a Goofy GIF

GIFs are super popular right now, so they’re bound to get a response. Plus, they’re funny, which we’ve already established equals sexy.

What’s not to do?

When you do send a GIF, though, add your own comment too. Otherwise, it just looks like random spam you send to all your matches. If you can find a GIF related to info on your match’s bio, that’s even better. 

7. Send an Unpopular Opinion

Sending an unpopular opinion is a great Icebreaker.

Start a heated debate with your match over something trivial by offering a controversial opinion on food, popular culture, the weather, or another lighthearted topic.

For instance, comment that you prefer soggy cereal over crunchy, and you’ll no doubt strike a nerve. Your match won’t be able to resist the bait for a good old-fashioned argument over nothing. This is a little like the “fun fact” technique, but with a twist. 

8. Ask Them About Their Dream Vacation

Everyone likes to talk about travelling—whether they actually do it or not. One can dream, right? Use your first Tinder message to ask your match about their ideal vacation or travel destination, and you’ll start a full-on convo about lazy days at the beach or foggy mornings spent on a mountain top.

If you’re lucky, she’ll soon start thinking about the two of you getting away together! You can also ask about past trips, of course, and share stories from your own too. A well-travelled man (or woman) is an attractive one! 

9. The Common Denominator

Scour your match’s bio and look for something (anything) you have in common. Then, mention this shared interest in your first Tinder message.

  • Do you like the same series on Hulu?
  • Are you from the same state?
  • Do you both put your pants on one leg at a time?

Seriously, it can be anything, so long as it’s something you share. People tend to feel an instant bond when they discover a commonality with someone they’ve just met, so use this little gem of knowledge to your advantage. You’ll be scheduling a date in no time!

10. The Name Game

Start your message with your match’s name. You can say something (read: anything) after or just add an exclamation point. “Amy!”, for example. It may seem silly, but for some reason it works. People like the sound of their own names, I suppose. It’s likely you’ll get a similar message back like “Brian!”, which admittedly doesn’t give you a whole lot to work with, but hey—it’s a response!

That first message on Tinder can spell disaster, or it can be the catalyst for something magical between you and your match. No pressure. But really, try not to blow it.