How to Turn a Hookup into a Relationship?

You’ve met someone you’re hooking up with.

Maybe they’re your booty call, maybe they’re your fuck buddy, maybe they’re just someone you’re dating casually. Whatever way around, you’ve started thinking you want more.

So how do you turn a hookup into a relationship?  

I will share 10 sequential steps to turn a hookup into a relationship which include personal advice as well.

10 Simple Steps to Turn a Hookup into a Relationship

1. Stepback & Evaluate 

Do you respect this person? Is this someone you’d have faith would treat you right? Someone, whose judgment you respect?  

  • It’s easy enough to get carried away by those happy emotions after sex, but a relationship is about so much more than sex.
  • Are you attracted to this person emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually, or just physically and sexually?

Sometimes we get overwhelmed by one aspect or another, so step back and ask yourself if this is a person worth investing your time and energy in.  

2. Figure Out What You Want in a Relationship 

Before you ask for a relationship from someone else, think about what you’re looking for in a relationship.

Where are you heading in life?

Would this person be compatible with your needs and wants?

Inside scoop: 13 Signs Your Hookup Has Feelings For You  

3. Pull Back. Ground Yourself in Your Own Life 

When hanging out with someone and having sex, it’s easy to get high on hormones. Before you know it, you’re obsessing about another person instead of taking care of your own life.

To make sure you’re making the right decision to move into something more serious and to ensure you are the kind of person someone would want to get serious about, look after your own life.

Fill your schedule with things that are good for you, such as walks in nature, or gym sessions, as well as things that you love and are passionate about, such as time with friends, weekend trips, and classes in art.

4. Know You Have the Power 

When you want something from someone, it’s easy to feel like they have the upper hand. You’re so attracted to them you feel like you lose your footing.

Remember this: They want sex with you. You have the power to give it, or not to give it. See the point above about filling your life with interesting things.

Make sure you show they are not a priority in your life until you see the signs that can go from just sex into a relationship.

5. Don’t Be a Partner Until You Are One

Don’t give anyone relationship rights until you are in a relationship.

If someone isn’t willing to commit, then don’t be their emotional support, don’t have time for them at all hours of the day, and don’t let them become more important than they are.  

No one will want to commit if they already have all the benefits of a relationship without having to commit.  

6. Invite Them to Spend Time With You 

Before you make a decision that this is the person for a relationship, invite them to spend some time with you outside the bedroom.

Invite them to join you and your friends for the next paintball game you’re playing, or tell them you’ll kick their ass when going jogging.

Inside Scoop: 21 Signs That Tell If a Guy Wants a Relationship or Just a Hookup

7. Have a Conversation

There is no way of finding out what they want, or if it’d work unless you tell them what you want.

Tell them you’ve been enjoying your time with them and would like to see if it could work as something a bit more than just casual dating.  

You can identify from these Signs that your hookup has feelings for you  

If they don’t feel up for it?

Cut down the time you spend with them and ensure it’s only the sex (and that it comes quite far down in your list of priorities as your life is so filled with other amazing things you have to do), or tell them that you’ve realized you want another form of relationship and will focus on finding that instead.

Whatever you do, don’t give them all of your time and create a relationship substitute that fills up your time. They don’t deserve more of you than sex if that’s all they’re willing to give.  

8. Show Them You Have What It Takes 

When you spend time with them, show them a good time before, after, and during sex. They need to see you’re relationship material.

Also, talk about the things you do with your time and are passionate about. Show them you have a life. It will make them want to become part of it.  

9. Set Standards

Sometimes when they get less, they realize they wanted more. But if you keep giving them everything and do not get anything in return, the relationship will keep being wonky and you’ll end up wasting your time.  

People tend to live up to the standards we set for them, or leave our life. Set high standards and only the most compatible people will stick around.  

10. Know You’ll Get What You Want  

Whether it’s from this person, or someone else, you’ll get what you want. You have to be clear on that, because it means you’ll set your standards, instead of allowing yourself to be messed around by other people. 

If you're having hard time then you can read our guide to learn how to get over someone you hooked up with

About Maria Montgomery

A Writer. Director. Social Entrepreneur. Change maker. Foodie. Creative nutcase. Potentially funny. Maria has been in the online dating scene for the longest time. Her personal experience in online dating is unmatchable which qualifies her for a top expert.