No one ever said hooking up was easy. Except maybe those who have done it several times. But that’s totally okay because they’re the people you’re going to learn from in this article.
See, many of us want to hookup, and the person you want to have sex with tonight likely wants to have sex with you, too. But someone has gotta make that all-important first move – and that’s what makes us nervous.
There’s a bit of an art to hooking up. The last thing you want to do is make a mess of it and act so nervous that it actually turns the other person off!
In this article, I’m drawing on my own experiences, as well as those of others, to deliver you…
10 tips for hooking up that will improve your sex life immeasurably
1. Make It Obvious On The Dating Site
If you’re looking to hookup, don’t waste your time by messaging users who are clearly looking for something longer term.
If you’re using a site like POF or OkCupid, you can tweak your search filters so that you only match with users that are looking for the same thing as you. If you use sites like Tinder, keep sending short, snappy, and flirty messages that always move things forward towards a date ASAP.
I recommend you sign up for one of these hookup sites for instant and no-string-attached hookups.
2. Arrange To Meet At Your Place
By arranging to meet at your place (or theirs if they suggest it), you’re giving them huge signals that you want to hookup.
However, not everyone will be up for this because they don’t really know you yet (unless it’s a second date). Some will – some won’t. If you already trust each other enough, suggest meeting at yours. If not, play it cool and arrange to meet at a neutral venue, such as a bar.
3. Get Their Consent
Before we move forward, and before you move forward with your date, it’s incredibly important that you get their consent first.
This means getting them to acknowledge that they want to have sex with you. In 2020, this has never been more important, as men and women are more aware of their rights than ever before. If someone doesn’t want to hook up with you, they should be allowed to let you know.
And if they do let you know, you should respect their decision and back off otherwise it will be a sexual assault.
4. Be Open About What You Want
Lots of us get so nervous about the idea of hooking up with someone that we don’t explicitly tell them what our intentions are. But the pros (those who have hooked up several times before) make sure the other person knows exactly what they’re looking for.
Why is this so important?
For one thing, honesty sets clear expectations from the start and therefore reduces the risk of any unwanted surprises. For example, if you give the other person the impression that you’re not even that interested in them by playing it too cool on the date, they might be stunned when you suggest going back to your place.
They might be so stunned that it makes everything awkward from then onwards.
For another thing, it ensures you’re both on the same page right from the start and minimizes the risk that you’re wasting each other's time. The last thing you want is for them to start thinking you’re the One before you finally let them know you just want a hookup.
Thirdly, you’re allowing them to give their consent.
5. Look Into Their Eyes
A powerful flirting technique is to look into their eyes as you’re talking to them. It’s a surefire sign of attraction that can send them crazy with desire.
Looking into their eyes as you (and they) talk suggests that you’ve only got eyes for them right now. It shows them that you’re connecting with them on a deeper plane, and this can be incredibly arousing. In a way, you’re putting them under your spell and demonstrating that you’re a good listener. And that in itself can be a massive turn-on for a lot of people.
If, on the other hand, you constantly look away while talking to them, they’ll assume you don’t even find them attractive.
Inside Scoop: Best Dating Apps for Hook-ups.
6. Respond To Their Touch
I’ve had messages from guys who say to me, “so, this girl touched me on my arm a couple of times during our date. What does that mean?”
Sometimes they’ll even say the girl “punched me.”
I ask them how they responded and they say “Well, I didn’t really do anything. I just smiled.”
You just smiled?
If someone touches you on a date, they’re sending CLEAR signals that they’re into you and that they might even want to hookup. It takes a lot for a girl to touch the small of a man’s back on a first date. She wouldn’t do that if she wasn’t into him.
If your date touches you, make sure you respond to their touch. Amplify their desire by getting more physical with them. If you don’t respond, their desire will fizzle out. Pretty soon, they’ll be making their excuses and leaving.
7. Make The First Move
As you’re probably aware, the biggest obstacle getting in your way when you just wanna hookup dammit is the first move.
Who’s gonna make it?
If you don’t and they don’t, you’re at a bit of an impasse!
If it’s VERY clear that you both want to have red hot sex tonight, someone needs to make that all-important first move – and it may as well be you.
Unless you want the waiter to do it for you.
Break the tension, take the reins – and go in for the kiss. If they pull back or if they’re not feeling it, forget about it. But if it’s super-duper clear that they’re really into this, the next step is pretty much sex.
8. Escalate Things
Now that you’ve made the first move, you can’t stop there. The next step is to escalate things.
What does this mean?
Well, look. Let’s say leaned in and kissed your date. Then, you decide to buy some more drinks. After returning from the bar, you find that your date is typing away on their phone.
“Just a moment, sorry,” they say.
A minute later, they’re done typing. Next, they head to the bathroom. Three minutes later, they return and take a sip of their drink. An awkward silence ensues until you mention how you’re dreading going back to work tomorrow.
The magic has faded!
When you go in for the kiss, the next step must be to escalate things as quickly as possible. This could mean, for example, moving your mouth away from their lips and towards their neck or ears. Stroke them, have a bit of a nibble, go primal. You need to keep the oil sizzling, in other words. If you go for the kiss and then take a break by going to the bar and bathroom, it instantly kills things and sends out massively confusing signals.
9. Stay Safe
I don’t wanna sound like a dad here but staying safe is really important when it comes to hooking up. If something about your date seems a little “off,” maybe you should trust your intuition and get the hell out of there.
Don’t forget to make sure you’re protected, too.
10. Stay Sober
One final bonus tip: Stay sober.
Guys will know what I’m talking about with this, as too much alcohol can definitely affect our performance. But women will know, too, that a drunk hookup is never as fun as a sober one. Drinking is fun and one or two drinks can loosen you up and give you a bit of confidence, but it’s really important that you don’t get too drunk.
Other than that, remember to stay safe and have fun.